Social Acceptability

Apparently I alarmed a few people with my last post, which was sad and introspective.  Sorry, gang.  Pollyanna occasionally gets a reality check. 

Something amusing just happened at work which I'll share.  I happened to overhear the last ten seconds of a coworker's phone conversation.  It went like this.  "Right.  OK.  Oh.  Thanks for your suggestion.  Bye."  Then I heard the click of the receiver going back into the cradle.  Then:  "You're out of your mind!"  Of course I started giggling at this.  Turns out that it was a contractor who was giving her an estimate for some work to the outside of her home, and she'd done the research to know that the quoted price was way too high.

I know there are other people who would have said "You're out of your mind" directly to the contractor, and possibly would have included a few other choice words.  But my coworker was being polite and pleasant (plus, she is just a very classy lady).  It's often an interesting decision whether to be socially acceptable or direct.  Both have pros and cons.  But in this case the polite script was funnier.   :-)

Ogres Are Like Onions

When we get to know someone who becomes a friend, the first layers of personality that we see are often attractive to us.  Sense of humor.  Easy to talk to.  Helpful.  Common interests and opinions.  Lots more than that, probably.

As time goes on, we are bound to expose layers that may be annoying or distasteful.  Insensitivity.  Fear of discussing sticky issues.  Tendency to complain or obsess.  Some conflicting moral fiber, possibly.  A couple of physical nits, maybe, such as a laugh that's a bit too loud or nasal.  But, in solid friendships, we can get past a small collection of these low points because the complete package is still so attractive.

What do we do when we realize, somewhere down the line, that we have kept exposing these sour layers to the point where the entire picture seems crisscrossed with them?  Maybe we've uncovered a major issue such as the realization that a friendship is really one sided, or we realize that we are often smarting from an increasing frequency of harsh judgment.  It can be painful to leave things the way they are, but even more painful to disengage from the relationship...particularly if this is a person who is a neighbor or coworker or someone else you cannot avoid seeing on a regular basis.  What then?

In my struggle to find the right answer for myself, it seems that we must grieve the loss of a relationship as we would grieve the loss of a loved one who has passed on, whether we're mourning a friendship that was once terrific but has deteriorated or whether we're mourning what we thought was a terrific friendship but is not so in reality.  Whether it is possible to gracefully back away, or whether one must dramatically cut the cord, depends on the exact circumstances.  I hope that sharing my thoughts will help you with your own disappointments.  I remain ever appreciative of my support network.

Old Friends, New Friends

Today's title sounds like a Berenstain Bears book, doesn't it?!?

A few weeks ago I went to the David Crosby/Graham Nash concert at Westbury Music Fair (OK it's really Capital One Theatre now, but I still refer to LIPA as LILCO and COSTCO as Price Club in true dinosaur-like fashion).  Two of my girlfriends accompanied me.  I know one of them for 20 years, from work, and the other one 30 years, from high school.  They hadn't known each other but hit it off famously.  Tonight the three of us had dinner together, having resolved to get together again after the concert -- and sat at the restaurant for nearly three hours talking.  Jobs, kids, our own childhoods, relationships...and we were in a complete groove.  We could have easily talked for another three hours if we weren't all headed home to our families.  I am so grateful for my friends, and so thrilled that we can build more friendships together! 

Art Appreciation

Son #2 had his first meeting of the after school art club yesterday.  There were eleven kids in the group.  They were taught how to make 3-D paper ornaments to decorate the school for winter.  You have to begin with a square, fold it, and then make some cuts as if you were making a snowflake, but not quite.  When the cutting is finished, you carefully unfold the paper, wrap it around, and tape it to create the 3-D effect.

How do I know all this?  Because all three kids were using a bunch of our laser printer paper, basically all night long (with breaks for eating and showering) to create them.  Many of the pages ended up as candidates for recycling because the square wasn't perfect enough (!) or mistakes were made while snipping away.  Lots of grunts and whining heard about failures, but oh when they managed to create a good one:  "Mom!  Mom!"  I'm not sure what we're going to DO with all of the ornaments they made, but hey -- they were happy.

What Do They Want? Blood?

Yeah!

Last night I sat at a table outside the gymnasium of our middle school from 8:00 to 9:00, recruiting donors for the district wide PTA blood drive in January.  I was impressed to see the number of voters who kept arriving at that late hour, and even the last few stragglers after 8:50.  I performed a valuable service which I hadn't anticipated:  I was able to direct many people to the voting booths as they wandered down the hall cluelessly.

I asked people to help our cause as they were headed out of the gym.  We filled up the pledge sheet, which was great.  It was encouraging to hear from the few people who told me they go over to Long Island Blood Services to donate regularly, as I do, and from the handful of people who said that they donate blood at work.  I was particularly touched by a conversation I had with an older gentleman who said he'd love to help but he takes Coumadin (an anticoagulant).  He promised to ask his wife and other family members to donate in his place, and he thanked me for volunteering my time.  He didn't say so, but I wonder whether he has received donor blood in the past.  A couple of other people praised me for supporting a positive community effort. 

Although it was late, and I was tired at the thought of folding laundry and doing other chores once I arrived home, I had a nice fuzzy feeling when I walked out through the double doors in the front of the school building.

Whoo Hoo, No Apathy Today!

Normally, when I show up at our elementary school to vote before work (at 7:00 or so) there are a handful of other people voting, and the election workers outnumber us.  Not this morning!

I arrived at 6:10 to find the parking lot pretty full.  People were steadily pouring in and out of the building.  I figure there were plenty of people lined up, waiting, before the 6AM starting time, in order for that many people to be finished already.  

Inside the gymnasium, there were two or three workers at each table, whereas under normal circumstances there is often only one.  There was a gal dressed in a business suit who was walking around and approaching voters who were unsure which table was theirs.  Obviously my local area is representative of the predicted high voter turnout.  In spite of the long lines, it was very well organized and I was finished with the entire process in ten minutes.

I get the feeling that many people voted this time to try to prevent one or the other candidate from winning.   Whether that's the right reason to vote, I'm not sure.  But I was pleased to see the crowd.  Maybe some of those who have not voted much in the past will get into the groove and continue to make their mark in the future.

Graveside Chat

On Sunday morning I got to spend a couple of hours with my best pal from childhood (no I DON'T want to say how long we know each other!).  She was in NYC visiting her honey, and they came out on the Long Island Rail Road to pay respects to her parents and grandma at a Jewish cemetery near Pinelawn.  Her mom is gone six years now, and her dad passed in 1980 -- but they were like a second set of parents to me.  So we were by Mom and Dad's monuments, reflecting upon the height of the bushes and sharing some memories.  All of a sudden, she notices a stone on the ground, a few spots over, with some worn writing.  Her eyes grow wide, and she asks:  "Does that say ATHEIST?!?"  I remarked, in flip fashion, that there might be many atheists there but no one really wanted to advertise this by carving it on stone.  Turns out the stone really said AT REST upon closer inspection.  Were we demented to have had a laugh over this?  Good company, regardless.