Food Kills

I'm really torn up about the dichotomy between needing food for survival and hastening one's death by overindulging. Of all the people I know who have had weight reduction surgery, only one seems to have a fighting chance of continuing down the path of good health by reducing through subsequent diet and exercise. The others have regained and in some cases added extra to their former physiques.

As a former teenaged chub, I had my "end of rope" moment when friends in the college dorm were trading clothes before heading out to a party, and I was too fat to participate. This was the last straw piled on the heap of self-hatred and desperation. But it took three months of salad eating (when my love of veggies had not yet kicked in) and walking many miles each day to dump the fat. Over 25 years later, my intense fear of regression has kept me on the honor system and in my usual sized clothes. I guess everyone who's fought demons has some sort of defense mechanism to make sure the fight stays won, in order to retain ultimate control.

I have been trying to guide a young teen with weight struggles and see all the signs of the vicious struggle I recall. Eating to comfort emotional state of despair...when the despair came from being overweight and perceived as unattractive in the first place. Feeling of unfairness when others eat the high calorie foods or the large portions and don't have a weight problem. Attempt to deflect sympathy and attention by saying it doesn't matter, when it's really all encompassing. Planning the next meal, even if it's a so-called healthy one, really as a symptom of a focus on food 24/7. Snacking when alone, or when expected to be alone, and feeling pathetic when someone discovers the secret. Temporarily succeeding with a new health plan engenders feelings of euphoria and relaxation, and a desire to celebrate with the one thing that pleases us the most: a sugary or fatty treat. Depressing realization that we've failed...or we think we have, and we magnify the failure in our minds. All is lost now. etc. etc.

I fear this young teen will have to hit rock bottom before finding a personal reason to "make it stick." Trouble is, teens are having heart attacks and developing diabetes and high blood pressure and other conditions which can seriously curtail good health for the rest of their lives. I hope time will not run out for this fine young person. I wish the same for all others who are living this struggle, whether or not I know them personally.