During the late sixties and early seventies, my formative years brought constant reminders from my "elders" that kids were to be only occasionally seen and rarely heard. "When I want your opinion I'll give it to you" always brought a laugh but contained a liberal dose of the truth. Overall, things are different in American culture these days, probably way too much so. But I do try to be sensitive to my kids' feelings because I recall what it was like and I want them to have a stronger sense of self than I had. I didn't build the confidence I needed as a young adult until I was WAY into my twenties...at least fifteen years behind schedule according to me.
So where's the happy medium? I'm struggling with it much more lately, as the kids are becoming much more forthright with their comments about the adults in their lives. This one is lazy, this one doesn't practice what she preaches, this one thinks he's all that but is very limited, this one has no business telling us what to do because her life is a mess and her kids are screwed up. Mind you, their observations are impressively accurate BUT they are very drilled down and do not take into account all the extenuating circumstances that we gr'ups have to face in this millennium.
Luckily, most of these impressively accurate observations are shared in the safety of our own home, such as during dinner table discussions. Some complaints about their father are shared with me in confidence, and I shudder to think what is said about me (though I do encourage them to tell me what I can do to become a better human being). They must be reminded that they are allowed to have all the opinions they want, but they must be respectful and careful if they dare to share their negative opinions with the adult objects of their criticisms. This is particularly true if said adults have the authority to inflict negative consequences!
I'm sure I'm not doing it 100% correctly, but I hope I'm improving on my own childhood. Time will tell.
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