Torture

I think I have more of a window into what it's like to be insane.

I was recently on a business trip for five days. It's hit or miss with sleeping in hotel rooms to begin with, but something of a personal nature cropped up while I was there, and it began to trouble me greatly. During the day, I was heavily involved with working, including talking to dozens of people and unpacking boxes and walking here and there. At night, in my room, I was left alone with my thoughts.

I was caught off guard by the physiological symptoms of my mental anguish. Stomach lurching, heart rate quickening, body trembling...and naturally the stress of worrying about not being able to function the next day because I was lying awake torturing myself during the wee hours. I was truly my worst enemy.

Luckily I was able to leave a big chunk of my troubles behind when I packed up to go home, but I still find it quite unsettling that I was unable to control their effects on my nervous system. I will have to watch for this in the future. Last night, the first in my own bed, I crashed hard. But tonight?