Beginnings, and Endings

A few months ago, an old friend of ours from our volleyball group where hubby and I met took a promising new job in Wyoming. He and his wife, another volleyball cohort, had been living in the Carolinas with their two sons for quite some time. Wife and sons were to join him in Wyoming in a couple of months, after the school year concluded. Exciting new beginning to an already satisfying life.

Before the weekend, our friend suffered a massive stroke. From the outset the prognosis was bleak, and by Saturday he was in hospice care. On Sunday he was gone. This is the fourth friend to pass at a young age from our old gang, and he lived by far the longest, at just over 50. Sad and scary all together, and what a waste. Fantastic guy, husband, father. His easy, explosive, contagious laugh is still with me even though it's been a while since the families have gotten together. Sigh.

I'm not one for bucket lists, but I do believe in telling your loved ones that they are loved. I'm not one to live each day hedonistically as if it were my last, but I do try to live each day as if this were the one people will remember when they think of me. If you're one of my loved ones, I really hope you know it in your heart.

Taking Stock

My oldest son, in tenth grade, has been amassing documentation for his National Honor Society application. Had any of my kids been interested in joining the Scouts it would have been easier to collect credentials of leadership and community service. But the boy did okay. Captain of soccer team, teacher selected student of the month and quarter, first chair clarinet in 8th grade band, soup kitchen volunteer since 9th grade. We dug out letters of acceptance to French Honor Society and the like, letters of thanks for participation in charity walks, programs from summer theater arts shows.

Sure, it's taken a bunch of time to find everything and make copies, but it's also been fun for my son to recall all his involvement and distinction. Wouldn't it be neat if we all took stock in our accomplishments and activities every so often, just for the sake of doing it? Might be a good emotional pick-me-up on a rotten day.

Torture

I think I have more of a window into what it's like to be insane.

I was recently on a business trip for five days. It's hit or miss with sleeping in hotel rooms to begin with, but something of a personal nature cropped up while I was there, and it began to trouble me greatly. During the day, I was heavily involved with working, including talking to dozens of people and unpacking boxes and walking here and there. At night, in my room, I was left alone with my thoughts.

I was caught off guard by the physiological symptoms of my mental anguish. Stomach lurching, heart rate quickening, body trembling...and naturally the stress of worrying about not being able to function the next day because I was lying awake torturing myself during the wee hours. I was truly my worst enemy.

Luckily I was able to leave a big chunk of my troubles behind when I packed up to go home, but I still find it quite unsettling that I was unable to control their effects on my nervous system. I will have to watch for this in the future. Last night, the first in my own bed, I crashed hard. But tonight?