Standing in Judgment

It's funny but this is the first year I recall hearing NO resolutions from friends about the new year. I suppose it's good in the respect that many people allow theirs to fall by the wayside after a week or two. I suppose it's bad that people have not made the judgment that they could stand to benefit from some improvement, and had the nerve to state it publicly.

What is certainly bad is that many people think nothing of making disparaging remarks about other people publicly. US national politics has deteriorated into an arena of mudslinging. Celebrities and various others know they can automatically be seen as "newsworthy" by the media by making outrageous negative statements about third parties.

I even see this in my personal life. People who are overweight criticize the looks of others. People whose children have all sorts of issues offer "fix-it" commentary about others' children. People who are broke give financial advice to others. People whose relationships are in shambles point out shortcomings in other people and the way they manage their lives. People who complain about their coworkers don't realize that they are considered to be the difficult people in the office. So many people stand in judgment of others when they are human beings themselves with faults and deficiencies. That's what makes us human and not a bunch of androids. Can we really be honest and take these judgments on the chin when others judge us, or are we merely willing to dish it out?

I would like to see a 2012 that brings people together looking for their strengths -- because even the least capable among us has strengths -- instead of looking to judge them negatively on their weaknesses. And I sure hope I can live up to this lofty goal myself, at least some of the time.

New Year 2012 About to Arrive!

This seems to have crept up very quickly this year. Lots of running around with the three kids in three different schools -- which will change in September when middle son moves up to the high school and youngest moves up to elementary (waaaaah no more cutie pies in elementary, I'm getting ooooold!). Family situations galore. Several of my mother's aunts and uncles passed away, the last one about a week ago, and now the entire previous generation is no more. Hubby's aunt passed away recently too, now rendering one of his parents without siblings and leaving the other with just one sibling left out of four. Both of our own siblings have struggled with large issues: health, emotional, financial.

Luckily, some of these trials have ultimately ended up on the "plus" side of the equation. Let us hope there is lots of happiness and success in 2012, not only in our corner of the globe, but in yours too. That's as religious as I get, so amen and alleluia.

By the Way, Did I Tell You My Relative is a Hoarder?

I'm getting flashbacks from the aftermath of my first miscarriage 16 years ago. We'd just told people I was expecting, and I lost the baby after 13 weeks of pregnancy. I felt very alone, for more than one reason. I recall being amazed when women I'd known for years started coming forth with their own tales of losing pregnancies and the associated heartbreak. Why had the topic never come up before? Because it's not the kind of thing you'd mention in casual conversation, or in deep conversation for that matter, unless it also happens to someone else. Then you have an intense desire to share and commiserate, as quickly as you can get out the information.

After I told the "hoarding" story a girlfriend of mine whom I've known since high school (30+ years ago, ahem, why bother to deny it) came forth with her own, very personal, story about a relative of hers and her own stress in dealing with the situation. I was very grateful for the realization that this is happening to other people in "my world" and that once again I am not alone.

I hope many of us will reach out to others this holiday season, and beyond, so that they too will not feel alone.

Being a Burden

Elder care issues can be tricky. We don't want to go against our loved ones' wishes or encroach too much on their territory or privacy. We want to trust them when they tell us that they're doing fine. It can sometimes be impossible to know when there's a problem brewing, and sometimes when it's obvious there's a problem we can meet with resistance when we try to take steps to solve it.

Here's an example. Recently, we began to notice that a relative of ours had a noticeable mildew smell on his clothing when we would see him. He passed it off as an effect of living in a basement apartment and hand-waved attempts to enter the apartment to check it out. Though this was upsetting, we let it go. A chance series of events led to another relative having to enter the apartment this past weekend. Drum roll please...

Mold and insects and filth everywhere. Dirty laundry. Unusable, rusty appliances and kitchen items. Surfaces that haven't been cleaned in years. Rotting smell, almost intolerable. And yet this must've been something that he gradually got used to, and he refused attempts to help with errands and laundry and grocery shopping because he didn't want to be a burden.

Guess what -- there's been round the clock cleaning all weekend, with no end in sight, and tossing of mounds of stuff that is dangerous to his personal health and safety. Shopping trips to replace a bunch of basic necessities that had to be thrown away. Possibly more trips if a lot of the clothes are not salvageable. But it will steadily improve, and now he will have to be taught to take care of himself and his surroundings again.

What's the answer for the rest of the elders out there who need care that they're not currently getting? Beats me. I think it's going to keep me up at night.

Move It Along, There, You

Shortly after 7:30pm I had stopped into a major chain store to get a few things on the way home from dropping off two of hubby's hockey jerseys to have team captains' names and numbers sewn on professionally (Xmas/Hanukkah present). Naturally, the lines were long because it's holiday shopping season.

As I'd reached the head of line #2, one of the managers made chit chat with the cashier to complain that the customers end up bunched up on one side of the sea of registers or the other. She barked at anyone who was listening: "There's no line on 6! You guys need to move up!"

Really?!?

After she walked away, I remarked to the cashier that the manager should return to management school. The cashier, a lady who looked to be a few years older than I (early fifties), bowed her head and said nothing.

Come to think of it, this would need to be a quality management school. This gal seemed to think she was a lunch aide in an elementary school cafeteria. Or a mess hall sergeant. Imagine the nerve of the customers not being where she "needed" them to be. Sheep, or cattle?

This customer does not wish to be treated as a child or a farm animal. Price is certainly a factor when I decide where to shop, especially for major purchases, but service is a factor too. I have plenty of choices, and will remember this experience.

I did look for a "leave feedback" section on the store's web site, but only found feedback pages for specific situations. I called their toll free feedback line but it had closed for the day. I do plan to call tomorrow, since I believe in giving direct feedback where it has a chance of being useful.

Still, I find that I have a bad taste in my mouth...but thank you for listening.

Who's Behind the Door?

OK I'm not sure why I thought of an old fave band Zebra at this hour of a Monday morning but there ya go. While I was running around with Christmas and Hanukkah related duties yesterday afternoon, hubby quietly went to the basement and brought up the long lost bedroom door and reattached it to the frame of our son's room. I left for work quite early today and didn't get the chance to talk to sonny boy to see how well he slept last night. I'm guessing it was like a rock!

Hubby, true to form, did not fail to remind him that the door can be removed again at any time. It certainly was a lot easier to take it down than to put it back up. The former involved no swearing or muttering sotto voce, but the latter...

I'll Take What's Behind the Curtain

In case you were wondering, after almost a month the door is still off my son's room. I took pity on him and helped him rig one of his spare jungle green bedsheets across the midsection (top to bottom) of the door frame for when he's changing clothes or when he goes to sleep. But there's still no sound barrier. I encourage him to turn the ceiling fan on for white noise at bedtime but he doesn't always. Stay tuned!