Monday, April 30, 2012

Never Having to Say You're Sorry?

Hmm.  I think that "Love is never having to say you're sorry" line from the Love Story movie is a lot of happy hogwash.  Love includes, at least in my book, being considerate of others' feelings.  This ought to entail the occasional apology.

Normally I don't go around looking for people to apologize to me for this and that, because it's kind of obnoxious to stand there and engage in foot tapping while someone gets ready to stammer out "Sorry."  But every so often I am galled that no apology is forthcoming and I get frustrated.  There are a few people who are near and dear to me in other ways but the concept of an apology doesn't seem to be in their realm, except if they do something like bump into you accidentally.  But somehow it's uncomfortable or impossible for them to apologize for doing something that hurts on an emotional level (or neglecting to do something, which causes a different kind of hurt).  Is this a lack of capacity?  Or is it laziness?

I know it's best not to retain anger because it allows others to rent space in my head, and it affects me adversely, but it sure is stressful at times to feel like people think I should just put up with whatever they feel like dishing out.  Hey, I know -- maybe venting on my blog will help!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Babies and Bathwater

I occasionally recall a management seminar tidbit I heard long ago:  "When things go bad, don't go with them."  I think it's great advice.

We're going through a period of major change where I work, on several fronts.  We're tearing apart our building, moving to a new online HR system, and retooling the way we do annual raises.  We've set up a temporary office where we will have some employees housed during either one or two three week stints when our building will be unusable, and have been testing there.  We've recently done an operating system upgrade on the office desktops, and have been doing the same with the company owned laptops.  It's busy and stressful, but it's not just about getting a bunch of things done in a short amount of time.

There's disagreement as to whether we really need to be putting an addition on the building, and whether the company can afford it.  Some employees are looking forward to a chance to work in the temporary office, and others will only go there grudgingly if forced.  Raises have not been overly high the last few years because of the economy, and there is grumbling about being in the same boat this year.  Some say the new HR and salary system will make a bad situation worse, and this seems to be the straw that breaks the camel's back in the view of quite a few people in my office.

Seems like whenever there is unrest at work these days, a discussion about a particular issue brings forth a litany of other complaints, such as those I've already mentioned (but there are more).  I know I don't have a lot of patience for prolonged complaining, as I have grown very solution oriented over the years, but in general I don't think it makes sense to build a heap of seemingly unsolvable issues when only one is currently being discussed.  It would make sense if we were building a fire and they'd all get burned up in a little while.  But in this case it brings people less hope of forward progress.

I, Pollyanna, then become cranky when I try to offer options to solve a particular issue and I'm told "well, what does it matter anyway because all this other stuff is so hopelessly messed up."  It is true that I can only change my own behavior and not that of others.  Will I have to just ride out the next several months in relative calmness and sanity, and let people slowly realize that they should jump on the bandwagon?  One way to find out.  At least today is mostly over.  :-)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Shhhhh!

Last night I attended a "pops" concert at our high school, hosted by the music honor society students and teacher advisors.  My tenth grader was at the door with some of his cronies, collecting donations for St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital -- very worthy cause.  They only asked for $3 but many of us threw more than that into the buckets.

Quite a few talented singers, dancers, and musicians performed.  Jazz, rap, vocal, broadway show, funk, rock, grunge rock, and country were some of the genres represented.  Most of the acts involved singing, and most were accompanied by a single instrument.

As such, when people in the audience started jibber jabbering, even at the pitch of a whisper, it could easily be overheard and was disruptive.  Near to where I was sitting, I noticed one of the high school's teachers with his daughter.  He is involved with the PTA and attends many evening events at the school.  He is blind.  I smiled quite a few times as I saw and heard him setting an excellent example for his daughter, commenting between acts on how good they were, applauding enthusiastically, and clapping along when this was encouraged.

I also found myself wondering how annoying it must be to have to rely completely on your ears for enjoyment, and have this diluted by other people's jibber jabbering.  Luckily the talking within several rows of us did quiet down, but I had been ready to politely ask the talkers to muster the kindness to be silent.  I thought of this again during the second act, because I sat closer to the stage after the intermission and noticed several proud parents videotaping.  Think of how much fun the playback must be, with the dilution of jibber jabbering.

As far as I could tell, a good time was had by all.  I was able to quell my own impatience after a little while.  In my opinion the second act was even better than the first.  Nice job, students!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Pitching In

Yesterday was a Red Flag Day. NY metro area at high risk of fire because of prolonged dry conditions and high winds. Akin to a high terror alert.

Yesterday afternoon a massive brush fire started on Eastern Long Island, near Brookhaven National Lab and my office, a bit northeast of us. Local roads were closed for safety reasons and for access by emergency vehicles. As I exited the building to head for home around 5pm, I could smell the smoke. I headed all the way south to take a different route home because news reports told of lane closures on the Long Island Expressway due to other fires. The traffic report on the radio cautioned that the carpool lane on the Expressway was closed all the way going east, from Queens, to allow emergency vehicles to pass.

Even on the southern route home (Sunrise Highway and the Southern State Parkway) there were many fire department vehicles heading east to assist. I saw several Nassau County squads in the 45 minutes I was traveling. I was very impressed. I commend the teamwork and cooperative efforts, knowing that many of these fire departments are staffed by volunteers.

Monday, April 9, 2012

No Good Deed

I know I'm a card carrying klutz but I think my best friend called it right on this one. Yesterday morning, my son and I were headed to the Methodist church in town to help out with their weekly Sunday soup group (feeding those who need a complete nutritious meal). Upon walking downstairs to the kitchen, I missed the last step and twisted my ankle. Not the worst sprain I've ever gotten but it definitely curtailed my activities for the rest of the day and evening. I'm wearing an Ace ankle brace today and have my foot raised. Will I bowl Saturday on my league? Who knows.

My friend made a Facebook comment to the effect of "it just figures that you were doing something good at the time." Yup, no good deed goes unpunished. I'm not really that cynical about good deed doing -- I actually do quite a lot of it -- but it IS kind of funny.