See What I've Gone and Done...

I originally tried the blogging thing to see how hard it was, to see what the big deal was, and to see whether it gave me the release I was looking for. After all, one can't put too much prose on FB and Twitter...at least to have it end up as pretty and as compact as it is here in the blogosphere.

I guess I've walked the walk. This year, as of the other day, I posted 129 times, as opposed to 50 times in 2008. Hopefully everyone's not sick of my photos and my blathering on about the kids and my home life. I'm not one of those could-you-just-vomit parents whose children never seem to do anything wrong, though; you ought to be getting a balanced picture of the smiles and the tears and the overall chaotic way of life.

I look hopefully towards 2010 for improvements in personal economy, global politics, kindness to one's fellow man (woman/child/pet/etc.), stress level, and outlook for the physical state of the planet. Happy New Year to all, with fondest regards.

Putting Gift Cards on Ice

The day after Christmas, we bowled in an adult/junior tournament, same as we'd done the day after Thanksgiving. We'd asked to be placed with our friend C and his eleven year old son, who lives in MA with his mother most of the year but is like a fourth kid of mine when he's in town. During the bowling, C pulled me aside and asked whether we were supposed to be having the kids exchange holiday presents. I shrugged, since we hadn't discussed it this year.

After a few minutes of talking about gift cards, I suggested we just take the kids somewhere as their holiday present. We settled on ice skating...C had never taken his son, and hadn't been in a long time himself...not since his youth when he skated at Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Guess what: they had a blast when we went yesterday, and they want to make it an annual tradition.

Take a look:

Oh, and, for some reason, I bowled better on tournament day than I have in years, a 554 series (196, 167, 191). I'm carrying a 135 average in our league. Hubby had a wisecrack about seeing how well I'll bowl in two weeks when it's league night. Killjoy!

Psst...Wanna Rent a Mini Van?

Yeah, over here!

Huh, why rent a mini van? OK I'll back up. For six and a half years, and over 163K miles, I owned an eight passenger mini van. Hubby was very high on getting a mini van when my Pontiac Grand Am had to be replaced. We had three growing children at that point plus all of their stuff to tote around. An eight passenger vehicle, with three rows of seats, at the time cost $25K (basic options) and we just about were able to afford the 66 month loan because they were running a zero percent APR financing deal.

One of the first things we did when we got the van home was to remove the middle seat in the second row, so the kids could climb in and out freely. Y'know when we put it back in? When we were getting ready to donate the van to charity. The kids did have a lot of room to clamber around back there, but they still managed to fight and kick one another. There was ample room in the back for chairs, boogie boards, soccer balls, hockey equipment, etc. but it was mostly vertical space and we had problems with items falling out when we opened the hatch. Filling the tank was always expensive and of course was not fun during the $4 per gallon stretch. It was downright convenient, however, to go places all together with my mom as a family or to grab a couple of the kids' friends to go here and there.

I'm sure hubby would have loved to see me get another van, but no. The five passenger SUV drives like a car, which is comfortable for me and safer in my opinion. I've had it for three months and am still thrilled 5K miles later! $25 fills up the tank...what a difference. Payments are comparable to the van, with 5% financing, and it's "only" a 48 month loan. The rear storage space is more convenient to use, as it's deep instead of vertical.

And now we get to Christmas. We can either drive two cars to New Jersey to visit my aunt and uncle, or we can rent a mini van tomorrow and return it the day after Christmas. Since we don't do that more than a few times a year, and since it's a $200 expense, I'm more than happy to do it when I think about the chronicles of our own mini van.

Just call me rental girl. :-)

Bully for Them!

We returned a little while ago from the oldest child's band concert. The wind ensemble played an awesome upbeat version of White Christmas, and did very well with Sousa's "Thunderer." I guess they ought to have played well, since our first chair clarinetist tuned them up, ahem, LOL. Proud parent syndrome, sorry.

The jazz band really kicked it, though. Only three clarinets and a couple of handfuls of wind and brass instruments, combined with five electric guitars, keyboards, and drums. Their rendition of Wooly Bully nearly brought the house down! They also did Light My Fire, which is not one of my favorites, but they did a good job.

Another fun result is that there are no jazz band rehearsals for my eighth grader until the end of January, which means two less mornings of leaving the house at 6:40AM. Yippee!

Hop-py Hanukkah

Last week our middle son was thinking about what to do to enter the Hebrew school's creative menorah making contest. He's the creative one in the family so, if anyone had a chance, he would. Looking at some empty beer bottles (washed, and on the drain board drying) gave him an idea.

Eight Heineken Light bottles, and one Samuel Adams bottle (some retrieved from the recycling bucket in the garage) would be the candle holders. My husband, the beer aficionado -- and the one with the tools, materials, and mechanical ability -- was only to happy to help. He used some impressive wood glue to attach the bottles to a leftover piece of plank, suitably sized. Then he made a pedestal out of other wood scraps. My job was to find candles. Luckily, Target had some white pillars which served the purpose with only a little shaving at the bottom.

Yesterday was the contest. They had a Hanukkah celebration so we were all allowed to go and see. The other menorahs (eight of them) were mostly boring by comparison, except for one that was made from rubber ducks and birthday candles. Very nice colors, but none was as outrageous as my son's. He took first prize.

I was a bit worried that his invention might seem a bit flippant or irreverent as far as the religious authorities were concerned, but my fears vanished when one of the Rabbis came over to ask whether we used light beer because it's the Festival of Lights. :-)

Happy holidays to you and yours, whatever you're celebrating!

Busting Loose

This is difficult for me to write, as I struggled with a weight problem as an adolescent.

One of my sons was getting dressed this morning in his concert clothes, which he hasn't worn in a while. White button down shirt, black slacks, tie. First thing wrong is that he hadn't tried them on, say, a week ago, to give me enough time to shop if needed. Sigh. Anyway, there was only one pair of slacks in the entire house that had fit before (size 16 husky, with the length taken up) and he couldn't find them at 6:30AM. There was also one shirt, and one shirt only, in a husky size, that fit. Once both items were located, they just about fit, but he was busting out of them in the belly area. Looks awful, of course, but at least he was able to attend the concert.

This is a kid who's plenty active, with soccer and basketball and hockey. He just loves to eat. Anything. Not only junk; he does enjoy salads and other healthy foods. For an eleven year old he's off the weight charts. Though tall for his age, he's still in the 99+ weight percentile for his height. We work with him for healthy balance of both food and portions, which he usually accepts with no complaint, but as he grows taller he continues to have the huge gut. He must be cheating somewhere but we're not (and can't be) the food police. He's getting to the age where he has to manage his own behavior.

What can a parent do? Hope the light bulb comes on someday? I ate for emotional reasons, and only stopped abusing my body when I was a college student and was tired of sticking out like a sore thumb in a sea of young shapely females. BUT...even though I have maintained my weight since age 19, apart from the three pregnancies, I still feel like there is a fat person trying to get out of my body and I have to keep her locked up carefully. This is powerful stuff. Quite unlike the alcoholic, smoker, speed freak, heroin addict, etc. who can abstain totally -- every day there is food, and we must decide what to do about it...sometimes on an hourly basis...and there is also the issue of how many calories to drink. I may die of cancer because of my aspartame consumption from diet drinks; who's to say? A balancing act all the time.

We will continue to support our son emotionally and pray that he finds a stronger motivation to get healthy, sooner rather than later. Along with many similar parental struggles. As my grandma used to say, patience and fortitude.

Compound It!

Last night hubby got home from work later than expected, and had to go to a 6:00 physical therapy appointment, so I had to pick up the littlest from after school care. We barely had time to eat before Son #1's choral concert, so homework had to be done later in the evening. (Concert was fab, BTW: mixed chorus was outstanding, and the chamber group of 14 kids was wonderful...my son being only one of three tenors.)

The language arts assignment was to find as many compound words as possible, to fill two sides of a piece of paper. The teacher said that the record to date was 93 words. Well, that's all my kid had to hear: a challenge. After coming up with around 50 at random, we pulled out a cookbook and a newspaper. He was actually squealing with delight of discovering "teaspoon" and "fireman." By bedtime, we had 150 words and of course could have found more, but our third grader was thrilled.

At times like this, I'm thrilled too; I've passed on my love of words! Son #1 seems to have clamped on as well. Jury's still out on the middle guy. :-)

Words to the Wise

Last night we'd meant to go out to an early dinner for hubby's birthday (with my mom treating, yippee) but he didn't arrive home 'til 4:30 and that would have been cutting it too close due to Son #1's clarinet lesson at 7:00. So, we went with the next best thing and ordered in Chinese food. (Even I, normally Supermom, didn't feel like cooking after such a busy weekend.)

While none of our fortune cookies contained an actual fortune (f'rinstance, "You will be hungry again in one hour") there was some advice worth remembering. Namely:

It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

Never depend on others to make you happy. You can do it yourself.

Don't just spend time. Invest it.

Mamas, Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Safe Drivers

I have mostly been enjoying my business trip here in Boston. The exhibit booth experience, interacting with PhD scientists, has been overwhelmingly positive so far, and I have been getting my fill of the local seafood. My colleagues here are charming, and I've gotten to see three friends who live in the area plus two more tonight. However, I received bad news yesterday and can't do a thing about it except alert other friends.

One of our long time friends from the volleyball group at the Mid Island Y lost his teenage son in an automobile accident on Monday. I know no other details but was told that he hit a parked car. I've no idea whether the impact was at a high speed, or whether the injury was in an unlucky spot and it was merely "one of those things." This is J's only child. My heart breaks for his former wife, and for his current wife (the boy's stepmom). I'm going through the same cycle I did when my cousin lost her daughter to cancer two and a half years ago: feeling lucky that I have three beautiful children, and wondering why other people's children didn't make it.

One memory that haunts me is the conversation we had with J and his wife the last time they were at our home (they'd come for a mini reunion with mutual friends who now live in Knoxville and were visiting LI). J said he was constantly worried that his son wasn't a safe driver and had already been in more than one collision.

I drive 400 miles each week during my commute, and a lot of local and highway driving over the weekends too. I see way too many people who seem to think they are playing a video game. Don't I wish that J's son could have had a RESET button to push. Let's all try our best to impress upon our children that "drive defensively" is not merely a cutesy commercial. One day a young person is living, and the next day there is nothing. If this saves one life, it will be more than worth the effort.

Oh yes...and let's hug our kids and let them know how much they mean to us and why this is so important. You can bet the Three Amigos will get huge hugs on Friday afternoon when I get home. How ironic that I will have to drive four hours or so to get there.

Talking Turkey

I look back on Thanksgiving weekend. We celebrated in an unorthodox way: we went out to eat. Normally we go to my aunt and uncle in New Jersey, but they spent a few weeks with my cousin and her family in Illinois. My mother didn't want me to "fuss" for just six of us, so I made a reservation at Legal Sea Foods. It was a real treat for the rest of the family; I enjoy Legal during my annual business trip to Boston (where I am right now). None of us is especially partial to turkey, but we all think fish and shellfish are awesome.

One of the comments made at our table was that we were glad both grownups in our house have good jobs so we could afford a nice meal at a restaurant. Grandmother, father, and two older boys enjoyed a couple dozen clams on the half shell. We feasted on lobster bisque, stuffed shrimp, mussels, and ravioli in the shape of fish (can you tell which was from the kids' menu?). I had a carb free dinner so felt entitled to cheesecake. Boys had chocolate mousse parfaits, sans whipped cream (which really means a tall glass of mousse...sorta like ordering a sandwich sans bread).

That morning, we joined friends to participate in an adult/junior bowling tournament. The following day, we had lunch with my sister-in-law and her son, who was home from his first semester at Albany, and got to see my niece for a little while too. Friday evening we had dinner with friends (who are the parents of a boy and girl who grew up with our two younger sons in day care) and shared their Turkey Day leftovers (some of which became chili). Saturday we spent the afternoon with a close friend, C, whose eleven year old son was in town; normally he is with his mother in Massachusetts. C and I watched a DVD of Looney Tunes -- cartoons we grew up with but hadn't watched in years -- while all four boys strategically pursued one another with Nerf dart guns. That evening, we had chicken cutlets and home made steak fries as a yummy last meal together before I left for my business trip.

As I relax in my hotel room, I know that Thanksgiving has left me with a lot to be grateful for this year...not the least of which includes the two dips in the whirlpool since arriving here yesterday. You should know that I'm grateful for you, too, my friends, but I'll say it anyway just so you're sure.

Wind Outta My Sails

Last night I had the chance to do some holiday shopping after dinner...Borders and Target. When I came home I had to tell hubby something important, so I put everything aside in a safe place (so I thought) for a few minutes. Afterwards, I thought things looked a bit disturbed so I asked the kids...they 'fessed up that they'd quickly looked through all the bags and boxes.

I know they're just being kids, but I was upset. I'm the one who does most of the running around, organizing, wrapping, preparing, etc. and it's a real joy to see the surprises when gifts are opened. So now what do I get for all my hard work? Where will my holiday spirit come from this year?

Sorry this is a sad post but I can't help it. Hopefully this feeling will pass.

Batty

The youngest amigo decided to pop out of bed at 6:30. This is half an hour before his alarm clock rings, and usually 40 minutes before he gets up on a typical weekday. So he watched some TV before getting dressed and taking his vitamins. About 15 minutes before he and I were due to leave the house, he asked to play the Wii. I didn't think it was a good idea because it takes a few minutes to start up, and a few minutes to shut down...not much actual playing time.

Son #2 pipes up at this point, and points out that his brother could play the Wii upon arriving home from school. No dice, I say, since he has to work on his report on bats that's due next Wednesday.

"He has to write a report on baseball bats? COOL!"

Not exactly...pallid bats...but we did have a good chuckle.

Everything's Coming Up...Audrey II

Well, both boys were chosen for chorus parts for Little Shop of Horrors. They're happy for a number of reasons. First, it was their maiden voyage with voice auditions. Next, they'll be together. Also, there weren't a lot of sixth graders picked, so Son #3 is puffing his little chest out with pride. Speaking of the selection process, they discovered that all the kids who were on the list for final call backs for the stage parts were eighth graders who all had previous theatrical experience...so no reason to lament the landing of a chorus part. Finally, they don't have to attend all the rehearsals, so it won't be as grueling as a stage part would be. I'm thinking it's all good!

Another update with a smiley face: Mom's posterior bruise from two weeks ago is finally beginning to clear up. I'm not back in my familiar denim jeans yet, but I'm back in pants that aren't so snug. I was beginning to tire of skirts, but I was happy for the support of the panty hose. LOL. How long will it be before the next "card carrying klutz" happening? Stay tuned.

What Have YOU Done Today?

This morning, I was taking our youngest to before school care (our 7:20AM weekly ritual). The CD I had in the player happened to be on Heather Small's "Proud" at the time. Upbeat tune, upbeat lyrics. The refrain is

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

So when we get to the school, he says to me, "Were the words to that song 'what have you done today to make you feel round?' " Funny how we sometimes hear something completely different than what the vocalist intends! We had a good laugh over this when I told him what the actual lyrics are. We then had a good case of the sillies as he suggested ways to feel round, f'rinstance eating an entire pizza pie. (One could also LOOK round after that!)

It's the little things...

Breaking into Song

Son #1 and Son #2 decided that they want to audition for the middle school play (Little Shop of Horrors). Not sure why, since neither was interested in their school theatrical production last year; in fact, the choral teacher practically begged me to get my oldest to try out for The Wiz in seventh grade. He recoiled in horror at the idea of being on stage, and seemed visibly uncomfortable even to think about being in the pit chorus.

But they've somehow been bitten by the performance bug. I'd love to know who or what flipped this switch. Middle one is sauntering around the house singing Mean Green Mother from Outer Space and oldest is crooning Suddenly Seymour in the shower. My personal favorite is Somewhere That's Green by the adorable and talented Ellen Greene (although Mandy Patinkin did a very nice cover on one of his collections). They seem to like it when I sing that at tuck in time.

Both kids tied their soccer games 2 to 2 this weekend. No losses, whew!

Yeowch

Serves me right, maybe, for always trying to squeeze in one more thing. I can't MERELY get up, shower, eat, put lunches together, and get the kids motivated for school. I have to also empty the dishwasher, do food prep for tonight, and bring plastic and aluminum to the recycling bucket in the garage.

On the way to the garage, which is down several steps, at 6:20 in the morning, the front piece of the top step cracked. I went down hard, bruising the left side of my derriere as I bounced all the way to the bottom. Bouncing may be natural for tiggers, but my tail doesn't like it. I'm really glad I didn't break my coccyx or crack one of the lower spinal vertebrae, but MAN do I have a nasty swollen part on my backside.

I've got a business meeting today in NYC, so I have to take the Long Island Rail Road in a couple of hours. Lots of walking too. Right now I'm sitting on my couch, with an ice pack wedged behind/under my tush. It still hurts like a $#@%&.

So if your Monday morning began uneventfully, and you're cursing Mondays on principle, be grateful that you didn't have this particular start to your week!

'Tis the Season?

Yeah, it's kind of disgusting but I have indeed begun my holiday prep. I went to costco.com and ordered the holiday card pictures (using two nice pix from Son #1's bar mitzvah, one of the old folks and one of the Three Amigos). I addressed them in dribs and drabs during this week and remembered to buy some holiday stamps at COSTCO too.

Tonight I went to Sports Authority and Toys 'R' Us to get some Hanukkah presents. I also ordered two "nights" worth for the kids on Amazon. If I have the Hanukkah stuff wrapped and labeled before I leave on my business trip the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I'll be able to relax there during my downtime. It would help to have taken a whack at the Christmas prep too.

If I'm not organized and don't plan well in advance, either I don't get it done or the stress is too great. And so we go!

All I Want for Xmas

Remember that song? Well, I already have my two front teeth...

Tonight my sixth grader went to the "teen rec" program at the middle school. After I dropped him off a few minutes before 7:00, I headed over to the ice skating rink one town over. I'd never been there by myself before, but it was the perfect opportunity because hubby had taken the other two boys to dinner.

I think this was my fifth time on skates, so I spent the entire time practicing "slow and steady" which was a bit nerve racking with all the teenagers zipping around me. I was able to get a good hour and a half of skating before I had to leave to pick up Son #2 at 8:55.

I just said to hubby that I should get him a new pair of bowling shoes for Xmas (he has been renting 'em for the past two seasons of our fall league) and that he should get me a pair of ice skates. I definitely want to do this on a semi regular basis. Anything athletic that I can do even a little bit is worth getting excited about!

Speaking of which, I bought roller blades a long time ago and had a tough time using them. I wonder whether it will be easier now because I'm developing a comfort zone with ice skates. Hmm.

Conferences, If You Can Call 'Em That

I have no idea how other large schools do this, but I'm really torn about our middle school's system of fall parent-teacher conferences. The principal even said at orientation that there's got to be a better way, but this is the best they have right now.

The kids bring around a sign-up sheet to their teachers, who fill in an available appointment slot for all the kids who request a conference. Each slot is three or four minutes long, due to the fact that there are 1500 kids in the school and they split conferences into two three hour evenings (one evening for each half of the alphabet). Some teachers use a timer, which seems harsh and impersonal, but on the other hand a 30 second overage results in a derailment of the entire schedule if things aren't brought back on track quickly. This often means you have to be lucky enough to have a parent miss an appointment or two...but it does happen because we are waiting to have one conference which is running late, and in so doing we miss an appointment that was scheduled 8, 12, or 16 minutes after that.

Getting a headache yet? Don't blame ya. Last year I asked my son to leave gaps of at least 8 minutes in between appointments, which helped, but didn't completely compensate for the usual mishaps. This year I have two kids on the same night, which has got to increase the madness exponentially. Except for a new wrinkle...

Son #2 has his "core" classes (English, math, social studies, science) with a team of four teachers who communicate regularly about the kids in their team. They sent a note home last night informing us that there would normally be a joint conference with all four teachers, obviating the need for four separate appointment slots...but due to the overcrowding they are reserving the slots for kids who have definite issues that need to be addressed, so they are hereby uninviting us to meet with them on conference night. Huh. I'm not completely put out, because I had phone conversations with three of the four teachers a few weeks ago when my smart but lazy sixth grader was conveniently neglecting his homework. It would seem that, because this temporary snag has been cleared up, they don't feel the need to meet with me and hubby.

Good for my son that he has no outstanding "issues" but I'm wondering how many other parents have been similarly uninvited who have not had any opportunity to speak with the teachers. (Open House is not the time or place, since each teacher only has 10 minutes for each of nine class periods to give the overall "this is who I am and what I do" spiel to the audience.) I wonder how many parents who do feel slighted will have the gumption to speak up and insist that they do get their precious four minutes, and how many either don't feel the need or are relieved that they are not expected to go.

I may, merely as a matter of principle, meet with my sixth grader's "encore" teachers anyway, but also because he's really excited about technology and I happen to know three of the other teachers already (band, chorus, and American Sign Language) and would enjoy reconnecting. We were given no such prohibition by our 8th grader's teachers and do plan to have our four minutes in the spotlight with each one of them.

I begin doing my Buddhist relaxation breathing for an event that will take place a week and a half from now. Namaste. Wish me luck!

Alignment

Yippee! Dentist says I am now in "retainer" mode...only have to wear the aligners at bedtime from now on. Just in time for him to find an orthodontist to consult with us about braces for Son #1's teeth...lower ones are out of whack similarly to mine. Some genetic gifts I was more than willing to pass on, but not that one. Sorry, kid.

Thank You, Mrs. Driscoll

Life is continually presenting us with reminders that we are humans with a variety of foibles. Having been in the publishing field for over 20 years, I have long recognized the value of having someone else proofread important documents. I know what I intended to write, and my eye will sometimes overlook errors as it replaces what's really on the paper with the correct version in my mind.

My eighth grader is now a believer. Over the weekend he received a Social Studies essay back from the teacher. He'd been proud of the content, and had proofread it several times before handing it in. Well, it appears that he was right to be pleased with the substance; his grade was 95. However, there was one teensy typo that he'd failed to catch. He'd accidentally typed "shit" instead of "hit" -- and no it didn't make more sense in that sentence. LOL. One more reason to rag on my construction worker hubby for the kids' colorful vocabulary.

The poor kid was absolutely mortified when the teacher told him about it. He stayed after class to apologize, and he returned to the room later in the day to bolster the apology. The teacher was a really good sport about it, though. She knew he didn't do it on purpose, and of course kids don't excel in the honors program if they habitually do things like that. I think my son's embarrassment was punishment enough. All the teacher did was circle the word and put two exclamation points next to it.

Too bad I can't have the page bronzed, lest it be rendered illegible. But it definitely ought to be saved, in case my little writer has children of his own someday. Tee hee.

Pigeon Indeed

Yoga's getting harder, although I still feel great afterwards and I think my body's getting stronger. The new intrigue of last night's class was a pose called The Pigeon. Visualize, please:

Kneel and point your toes behind you. Fully rest on your extended feet. Now take one leg and extend it all the way back, pointing the toe, resting it on the mat. Straighten your spine so that the crown of your head faces the ceiling. Now raise your chest, puffing it out as far as it can go. Stretch out your neck too. When you've thoroughly felt the pull everywhere in your body, slowly take the foot that's bent underneath you and bring it toward the middle of the mat so you're sitting on your hip. Continue to have your other leg fully extended, and face your torso forward with your spine straight. Now extend your chest and neck again.

Once you've eased out of that pose and come to a relaxed position for a minute, don't become too complacent. You've still got to repeat all of that, but switching legs. Who's the pigeon?

Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!

Today I took the kids to the Columbus Day fair in town. All three got ride bracelets because we had a few hours of free time. The older two went off on their own for a while and I hung out with our littlest. He went on the big slide, the bumper cars, and the bouncer. He then wanted to go on something called the Sizzler. Lots of spinning and up and down. I likened it to the Paratrooper, my old nemesis at Adventureland when I was growing up. 30 years ago I learned that any amusement park ride that spun around fast would make me hurl. So I told my son that he could go on by himself.

The attendant said he was tall enough, but needed a companion because the ride's force throws the occupants to the outer part of the car and there must be two or three people in it. Sigh. Maybe I'd be OK. He wanted to go, so I took the plunge. Eyes shut tight the entire time. Holding on to the kid, willing the ride to be over with every movement. I'm sure it was no longer than two or three minutes, but I needed to steady myself when I emerged. We had to move slowly over to one of the tables in the food area (luckily only 20 paces). I didn't hurl but was mighty dizzy and nauseous. Oh for the love of a child. Three and a half hours later, I'm just beginning to feel as though my stomach has settled.

When we reunited with the other two amigos, the oldest and youngest went on that ride together while middle child was on the bumper cars. I couldn't watch too much of the spinning, but I did notice that they both had their eyes open and were screaming with delight. Yoicks. I'm glad they didn't get the "can't spin" gene from Mom.

Here's a shot of bumper cars in action and Sizzler ready to begin.

Boo!

Today we took the big cutouts of flowers out of the front windows. Summer has gone. Halloween decorations replaced the flowers. There's a big banner of a witch who says "Stay for a spell!" and another banner with a skeleton on it. The third window has a collection of artwork the kids made...a big ghost, a black cat, a spider, a pumpkin, a monster, and a sign that says BOO. We brought out the candy dish that has a battery operated hand in the middle (think "Thing" from the Addams Family show) and a battery operated ghoul who has rags covering his head and arms (think leprosy).

We also went to get the two older kids Halloween costumes. Son #3 is going to be a snake again. Son #2 picked out a black hooded cape with a pair of battery operated glasses that flash red behind a black mesh mask. Spooky. Son #1 picked out a ghoul with a skeleton chest and a pump that spews fake blood. (Eww.)

Son #1 was being camera shy but here are the other two trying on their costumes.

The End of Mini Van Era

Yes, after six years with the red Chevy Venture mini van, and more than 160,000 miles, it's being put out to pasture. On Monday, it's being picked up to go into the car donation program for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. I couldn't find a local charity that has a direct pick up or drop off program, but this middle man organization is fairly good; the JDRF receives 70% of the proceeds from the sale of the vehicles.

So many memories...Son #3 was merely a toddler when we bought the van, so the built in child seat with five point harness was a huge convenience. It was nice when the kids were younger to be able to separate them in the van (cuts down on kicking, slapping, poking, and most torture tactics). With seven seats, we could spread them out. Actually, we have to put the eighth seat back in before we give the van away...we removed it at the beginning and have never used it. It was convenient to have all those seats the few times a year we went on trips to NJ to visit my aunt and uncle, with Mom in tow...but only a few times a year.

A week and a half after picking up the new car (Honda CR-V) I notice a huge difference. The new vehicle drives like a car and not a school bus! I was never comfortable driving the van -- way too large for my liking in terms of maneuverability -- but of course I learned to do it. I love the power assist steering (as opposed to full power steering) and it's great to be able to zip in and out of parking spaces and driving lanes with comparative ease. I also have no love of the color red, so the royal blue CR-V is really thrilling me. I haven't liked the color of my car this much since I had the purple Grand Am all those years ago.

Without doing all that much besides working, I've already put 800 miles on the CR-V since a week ago Monday. Time flies when I'm having fun!

Nodding Off

Last night in yoga class, there were a few positions that were very challenging for me. For instance, I still don't have a good feeling for upward facing dog. My body doesn't seem to want to bend backward while I'm facing upward. Here's another good one:

Sit on the floor with your legs under you (like a lot of kids do at the dinner table and have to be then scolded to sit on their tush with their legs in front of them). Then widen your knees to around the same distance as if you were sitting cross legged (or, as the kids say nowadays, pretzel legs to be politically correct as opposed to "Indian style" when I was a kid). As you spread your knees, keep each foot under its leg and keep the toe pointed. Now, put your tush down and sit on the floor, with your knees and legs to the side...did I mention that your spine is still supposed to be perpendicular to the floor?

If this is the first time you're attempting this (as it was for me last night) it's going to hurt like a mother. My feet were cramping and I couldn't quite get the butt to the floor at first, so I used a rolled up blanket for a crutch. Eventually the muscles stopped screaming. Rolling forward and extending the arms to the floor is called the Frog (you can understand why if you picture a frog jumping forward). If it sounds like a killer, compare it to what you were doing previously and you'll realize that it really is a relaxation.

At the end of each session, Helen allows us to "fall out" and relax on our backs and speaks to us in her usual dulcet tones. Now, mind you, this is the same tone of voice she uses throughout the entire class, which is not always congruent with her words, e.g. "if you don't feel a groin pull, you're not extending enough" and "if your right knee feels like it's going to explode, you've gone a bit too far." But we do get our just reward. Last night we were allowed to let our arms flop out on the mat with hands spread out, and feet were allowed to flop to the side, and the monologue reminded us to concentrate on our rhythmic breathing, slowly filling our lungs and torsos with air, pushing out from our abdomens to exhale.

Well, it finally happened, during the third session: I actually dozed off during this cool down period. At some point I realized, groggily, that the others were on their feet and stretching. Helen said this was a good thing because I'd successfully released all my tension. Yeah baby. Work hard, play hard.

Chamber Chorus

Leave it to my eighth grader, who seems to take any addition to his already jam packed schedule with grace and enthusiasm.

Let's recall that he attends chorus rehearsal every other day during lunch, because there's no other time slot for it, and they don't "do" chorus before or after school. So they show up at the music room, sing for 20 minutes, and then go to the lunch room and eat for 20 minutes.

This year they're making a select group called the chamber chorus. Wonder Boy tried out and made the cut. What does this mean? The chamber group will spend the entire period in the music room every other day...20 minutes rehearsing for each group. When do they eat? They have special permission to somehow chow down while they're singing during the first 20 minutes.

I'm wondering whether a video of this process will make it onto YouTube, and I hope that the teacher knows the Heimlich maneuver. One of those poor kids is going to be choking on food, or choking on syllables. Still, my son describes this new system with a smile on his face. First day is tomorrow.

Nuthin' up My Sleeve...

Magically, we turned ourselves into other kinds of creatures during the second yoga class last night. There was an upward facing dog, a cobra, a sphinx, and a corpse. The stretching was tougher to do than last week's, but I didn't feel my breathing as labored this time. Maybe the gym wasn't as warm. The corpse pose was appropriate, because we lay in that state for a little while towards the end of the class, concentrating on breathing and awareness of our muscles and vertebrae. So relaxing. At one point, Helen told us, "You are relaxed but very aware." I was thinking, "Man, I'm this close to drifting off to sleep." Slept pretty well last night and feel pretty good this morning too!

Forty-Five

Yup, today I sit firmly on the fence between 40 and 50. In 1964 when I was born, it was also a Friday, and my mom tells me it was a sunny day, as it is here on Lawn Guyland today.

I'm in a pretty good place in my life right now. All three of my children are at different stages of development, are different in their approach to school work and social dynamics, and are carving out different roles in the household. Apart from the occasional bumps in the road, it's rewarding to watch them grow and to help them along. I'm very happy and fulfilled in my work, being surrounded with smart, capable, and genuine people for the most part. We're doing all right financially, which is truly lucky. I'm in fine health and still fit into the same clothes day after day. Other than taking two days off for minor surgery last year, the last time I used any sick time was eight years ago after the birth of Son #3.

Some people think that email and Facebook and Twitter and other such Internet communication channels depersonalize relationships, but I have received such lovely greetings and messages today...and so many that it would be impossible to do over the telephone. Many people are too busy (or don't plan in advance) to be able to put a card in the mail, but I know how they feel because they typed out a short note on the computer. I've heard from old neighborhood friends who've moved across the country, relatives, college dorm mates, high school classmates, old work comrades, and even my son's clarinet teacher from last year who is now a freshman at Fredonia.

Hubby had a great birthday card waiting for me this morning and I got all sorts of hugs and kisses from the kids before school. My friend K brought a big bouquet of bright flowers. My morning hot chocolate buddy gave me a birthday cake candle and a collection of vanilla scented toiletries. J brought a box of fancy chocolates. T brought a big pot of purple mums and a hilarious card. We had a departmental birthday sing-along with chocolate cake (yes I traded my normal mid morning snack for a slab of that today) and our group cartoonist drew a great image of me rocking out to KC and the Sunshine Band in my office. R whisked me out for a lunch time stroll, and when I returned to my office C had left me a gorgeous butterfly wind chime. I really have been the object of special attention and indulgence today.

I truly feel blessed, not only because I have such wonderful people helping me celebrate today, but because they are in my life every day. Thank you. You know who you are. And I know when all of your birthdays are!

Mom Said WHAT?!?

Sad but true, Mom had foot in mouth syndrome at the dinner table last night (doesn't sound very appetizing, does it?).

I made a chicken, sausage, and corn pot pie with the rest of my homemade gravy from the Rosh Hashanah meal (yummy). One of the kids' favorite veggie side dishes, too: fresh green beans tossed with chopped toasted almonds.

Son #2 was chit chatting while eating, and of course wasn't exactly keeping his face over the plate while taking in mouthfuls of green beans, so almonds were dropping here and there. Venting my annoyance, I bluntly informed him that he had nuts in his lap. (Great choice of words, huh? Of course I didn't think about this 'til it was too late.)

First the kids all went hysterical, then I cracked up too. No one complained that the food was too cold, but it was at least five minutes before anyone was able to pick up a fork again.

Not Quite the Seventh Inning Stretch

I did it! Last night I attended my first yoga class. Let me say that it was a lot more invigorating than what I normally do before "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."

There were around 30 of us, about half of whom were completely new like me. We were lucky to get a 20 year veteran yoga instructor. She introduced herself as Helen and told us we'd be doing a lot of breathing and stretching, and ordered us not to compare ourselves with how high or low anyone else was stretching. Everyone at his own pace. I was relieved to hear that.

Normally I don't concentrate on doing deep breathing, except when I'm trying to relax my body on nights when the brain is still twirling at bedtime. We were constantly reminded to fill our lungs and expand our bellies when inhaling, and to squeeze the abdominal muscles when exhaling. It feels good! And it makes a difference to do that when in various poses. I got in touch with muscles and nerve endings that normally lie dormant. Very enlightening.

I did all right for a newbie, I think, although I had a couple of rough spots. The first time I sat on my legs and stretched my toes out, I got painful cramps in my feet. I stubbornly kept going back into the pose and the cramps eventually subsided. A couple of times when holding a squat pose, my chest muscles began to cramp and burn. Not sure why, but maybe that's also due to using previously inactive muscle. I do have to work on getting lower to the floor when I do squats; the trick is to keep the feet flat on the mat.

I am now acquainted with The Tortoise, The Mountain, The Warrior, The Tree, and The Downward Facing Dog. I found it amazing that, when we stretched out as far as we could go and held the position, when we drew in our next breath the instructor asked us to stretch a little farther...lo and behold, this was possible! I felt fantastically loose and limber at the end of the session. It was a pleasant sensation to be all pulled out like taffy when it was time to go to sleep, too.

I don't know whether the relaxation had anything to do with it, but the cell phone rang just when the class was ending...homework crisis because an essay had to be printed, the printer was jammed, Dad had taken it apart but didn't remove the paper...blah blah blah...I didn't feel overly freaked. When I walked in the door, I went downstairs and gently flipped the printer upside down and backwards. The two sheets of paper that were firmly wrapped around the roller and wedged in the teeth came right out. I then calmly asked the dad to put the machine back together at the next commercial break of NCIS. Printing was all wrapped up within seconds of beddy bye time.

This morning my lower back and shoulders were still feeling stretched out, and the back ached somewhat. But not the same kind of ache that I get after a day of house painting or any other overuse. I can just sense that all the vertebrae are there, but it doesn't seriously hurt. Can't quite describe it. I'm looking forward to next class!

Easter Seals Photo

Here's a pic (snarfed from the Easter Seals web site) of our four family volunteers from the day of the Easter Seals walk. Those blue t-shirts were special, for volunteers...as I kept reminding Son #3 who wanted to take it off because it was too big on him. I explained that they didn't get many kids his age who were ready to do such an awesome job volunteering!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

This afternoon we planted a bag of crocus bulbs that I'd bought a couple of weeks ago at one of the warehouse clubs. An impulse purchase which was not too expensive and definitely not unhealthy...

There were 121 bulbs. Son #3 counted. One more than advertised! Gotta celebrate these little victories. We had a lovely assembly line going. I cut out the beginning of the trench with the post hole digger (the border of the front garden) and Son #2 followed with the spade to get the right depth. Son #3 dug out the excess dirt. I popped the bulbs in the ground every so often, behind them as they were working. Number One Son joined us after a little while and began to cover the bulbs with dirt, weeding as he worked. After the last bulbs went into the ground, I took the youngest with me to get a couple of bags of soil to cover everything well. While we were gone, the other two finished putting back the dirt, cleaned up the tools and weeds, and did the first watering. We'll put the soil down later. In a little while we're going to visit friends who are on LI this weekend (they live in Massachusetts) along with their whole family, also our friends.

I told the dad that the kids earned a trip to get ices after dinner, if he feels like buying.

Short on Shortening

After we had dinner last night, I had a "D'oh!" moment.

I prepared a bunch of traditional foods for the Jewish New Year. Several of these recipes started out as Xerox copies of my mother-in-law's index cards (since my traditional Italian family recipes wouldn't really cut it). I've modified some of them over the years, reducing the fat content or changing to healthier ingredients. My husband goes so far as to say that traditional Jewish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler did.

Anyway, I've stuck faithfully to the matzo ball recipe (including the 1/2 cup of seltzer which creates the fluffy texture). I must've been really tired on Thursday night when I made the batter for this year's "balls" because I realized last night that I'd forgotten to melt the 1/2 cup of shortening and add it to the batter before I refrigerated it. Well, it was after 10PM, after the kids had gone to bed, and that's late for me to be thinking straight...

But when I thought about it, I hadn't tasted a difference so I asked hubby. He said he thought they tasted the same too. Normally the recipe calls for refrigerating the batter at least one hour before scooping it out into balls. This batch had been refrigerated for almost 20 hours. Hmm, I think I'll do the same every year if possible, so I can avoid including 1/2 cup of solid fat. Yeah baby!

I'll bet that many of the best changes to recipes have been accidental.

Bright Outlook

Yippee, last night my dentist concluded that the straightening of my lower teeth is just about done. I already have the Invisalign retainer, which I'm supposed to wear during the day also, until November sometime. But last night I got a home whitening kit, which I'm supposed to use at night for about a week. I'll start tonight or tomorrow night. Stay tuned!

Bing Bing Bing...Ricochet Rabbit!

I found myself becoming tongue tied when I was explaining today's family schedule to a friend.

Son #2 is staying after school to try out for intramural basketball, so didn't come home on the regular bus. Son #1 had forgotten that, so called me at work to tell me there'd been a problem. We settled that, and moved on to the next thing. Son #1's soccer coach is arriving at 4:40 to take him to practice. Normally the dad would do this, since he arrives home from work earlier, but has a 5:00 physical therapy appointment today. Son #1 has to leave a note for Son #2 if the late bus doesn't beat his departure...in case he forgot what his brother was doing.

Moving on...because of the P/T appointment, I have to pick up Son #3 at after school care on the way home from work. I have a 6:30 dentist appointment, so have to drop off the youngest and run. Even if the eldest and the dad are not home by the time I get there, the middle one will be. Tonight's dinner is all cooked and in a Tupperware in the fridge. If the kids need to, they can nuke individual portions (whole wheat noodle ribbons, imitation crabmeat, veggies in a low fat alfredo sauce). I need to stop at the market on the way home to get a couple more things for the Rosh Hashanah meal tomorrow night...and will do some more prep later tonight.

Am I nuts? If not now, I could be certifiable anytime...I think I hear the thumping of that Napoleon XIV song...

It's a Crappy Job, But...

There are some things we could never envision ourselves doing before we became homeowners, parents, or both. And then there are some things we thought we had given up doing once our kids were toilet trained, at least until we become grandparents someday. Now, mind you, my youngest is eight, so we've had it good for a while.

Son #2 was in the shower for a long time last night (nothing new) but it was after 8:30 and his younger brother still hadn't had his turn. So I rapped on the door and asked him to hurry up (again, nothing new). I try not to go in there at these times, now that they're older, since I'm in a house full of males and they should have their privacy. But the time kept ticking on, and the father showed no signs of willingness to disturb his state of being sprawled on the bedroom floor in front of the TV. So...

What do I find? A very bewildered and embarrassed eleven year old, standing in the shower with the water off, but in about an inch full of water and poop. Apparently dinner disagreed with him (no, not my fault; I was at the elementary school open house and Daddy took them to the diner) and he wasn't able to get out of the tub in time. Sigh. You can't make this shit up, literally. He was trying to figure out what to do, because the drain was clogged, and he was afraid he'd get in trouble. Well, if he'd called one of us right away, there would've been much less trouble.

So picture the mother, trying to help him clean his feet while trying to also dry off and get out of the tub, which still is full of water and you know what. Then picture me trying to unscrew the drain from the bottom of the tub, and it's not cooperating because the screw is stripped, and it's not as though I want to put my hand in to lift the screw while I'm turning it because the tub is STILL full of you know what. Luckily the father took mercy on me after about 10 minutes of futile effort...as it is approaching 9:00, with Son #3 still in the on deck circle and bedtime (9:30) rapidly closing in. He did put his hands in there. Ewww. Then again, he's an electrician and comes into contact with all sorts of disgusting things when doing demolition. So I finished cleaning the tub and we finished our evening routine (if you can call it that).

Another evening down the drain.

Fall 2009 Soccer Begins!

Yippee! Both teams won this weekend. Son #2 played on Saturday (in the middle of the Easter Seals walk) and his squad took the game 5 to 2. He scored one of the goals. Son #1 played Sunday morning (had to be on the field at 8:30 which was a bit of a rude awakening since Saturday was our bowling night) and was on the winning side of a 6-3 result.

The volunteer effort for the Easter Seals walk on Saturday was great fun. At 7:30AM we were helping to set up the registration site and breakfast for the staff and volunteers. The three amigos got to inflate helium balloons. They were able to take a playground break until we went out to serve as route marshals. We got to stand at the halfway point where we turned people around to complete the second half of the course, and give them water and vitamin water. I found it satisfying to watch people's faces as we cheered them on, particularly the people in wheelchairs.

After the walk was over, they fed us lunch (donated by sponsors) and then we watched an exposition game by the New York Warriors. These fellows play basketball in special ruggedized wheelchairs, and the huge metal wheels are tilted. They slam into one another much like we do at an amusement park when we ride the bumper cars. I can't imagine the upper body strength needed to whip those wheelchairs around the court so quickly. This is just one organization funded by Easter Seals. They fund many more programs for people with disabilities. The folks who drove down from Rochester to organize and run the walk are very enthusiastic about what they do, and about all that Easter Seals does. Thanks to sponsors and volunteers, they are able to give a high percentage of walker and corporate donations to the organizations they fund. The best part: the kids told "Mr. Shane" (our volunteer liaison) to sign us up for next year's event!

Abbott & Costello En Francais

I'm making dinner tonight (boneless pork chops, green beans, and grits) and trying to have conversations with all three kids while I'm doing it. Second day of school is still fraught with lots of news about teachers and classes and which kids they saw, etc. Questions about whether I can sign forms, do we have this extra item the teacher wanted, etc.

One of the kids is taking French and had to fill out a questionnaire about how much he remembered from his vocabulary last year. There were definite gaps in his memory. Here's one example.

"Mom, what's the word for 'water' in French?"

"Eau."

"What?"

"Eau."

"Oh?"

"EAU!"

"Why do you keep saying 'Oh'?"

"Just look in the French dictionary and you'll see what I mean. I'm trying to get dinner on the table here."

(after a minute)

"OHHH. Eau."

Kinda reminds you of Who's on First, doesn't it?

Hole in My Heart

On Thursday the kids all went to see a pediatric cardiologist, for a baseline check recommended by their doctor. He thought it would be a good idea because both hubby and I have slight mitral valve prolapse. So the Three Amigos had an EKG and echocardiogram in addition to a physical exam.

Son #1 was the only one whose exam showed anything of any concern. He has a small gap in his atrial septum (membrane connecting two chambers of the heart). The cardiologist said there was no enlargement or evidence that there were any ill effects, so we will just monitor the situation once a year. No restriction in activities etc.

Hubby was upset by this news, as he recalls what his parents went through when he was diagnosed with insulin dependent diabetes (IDDM, or Type I) at age 9. In 1972, the older generation recalled how diabetes used to be a death sentence, and at that point in time checking your glucose meant peeing in a cup and putting in a strip of litmus paper. Parents who receive the news that their child has been diagnosed with a medical condition can no longer hide behind the illusion that they have created a perfect little mix of their DNA. And so it goes. They all lived through that, and are here more than 35 years later to tell about it. We will too. Luckily medical science has advanced by leaps and bounds and is still galloping along.

We have counseled our eldest that, even though his heart is healthy at this time, he shouldn't "push the envelope." What does this mean? Eat a diet of predominantly heart friendly foods. Exercise moderately. Don't carry excess body weight. No smoking or recreational drugs. Limit alcohol intake. At age 13, he's only partially in tune with what most of this means, but he was very quick in Hermione Granger fashion (a.k.a. "insufferable know it all") to rattle off an exact list of several chemical substances he should avoid, courtesy of his 6th grade health class and his own pursuant curiosity. I guess I can't complain since I also have a fascination with medical facts. The trick would be to make sure he takes it all seriously.

As a dear friend of mine pointed out the other day, I can just add this to the long list of thoughts that are continuously balanced on my full plate in life. Ah well, life ain't so bad if one considers the alternative. Or, as my great grandmother is rumored to have said (translated from the old world Italian): these are things that only happen to the living.

South Shore Scenery

This afternoon the kids were otherwise occupied so Mom decided to grab her last beach afternoon before vacation ends day after tomorrow. I went to the western end of Tobay Beach and walked the four miles or so to the eastern end of Jones Beach, and then came back. Great workout!

The whisper of the waves kept me company, and so did my iPod. Anyone who has ever seen me walk with my iPod knows that I do a half walk/half dance step through some songs and sing along with many of the others. At the beach, the waves drown out my singing.

I reflected on the many sights of my two hour walk. In no particular order...

• Hundreds of baby seagulls pecked at the sand, too tiny to be a nuisance to beachgoers, watched carefully by their elders.
• The old and the young combed the surf and sand for shells and rocks.
• Kids with buckets squealed with delight as they collected hermit crabs.
• A handful of men with metal detectors and stoic expressions moved mechanically along the shore.
• Tweens with boogie boards pretended they all were the big kahunas out there.
• Couples, gay and hetero, strolled happily hand in hand or arm in arm.
• A small boy managed a huge kite in the shape of an eagle, with the help of his grandparents.
• About a dozen advertisements flew by via airplane, trying to gain our interest in alcoholic beverages, depilatory treatments, restaurants, and insurance companies. Only one was not obviously selling a product, but trying to build good will: "The pilots of United say THANK YOU."
• Dozens of structures populated the sand close to the dunes. Some were made with logs and bedsheets. Others were based on poles with brightly colored cloths wrapped around them (someone told me these can be bought at the Jones Beach Surf Shop). A few had personality, emblazoned with American flags and sports team memorabilia.
• A few optimistic fisherman silently waited for a bite.
• Messages and hearts were drawn in the sand in various spots. Mystery and romance.

I'm really glad I got to do this today. And I think it will feel really good to relax later, in the last few minutes before I close my eyes for the night, as my tired limbs sink into the mattress. Ah!

How the Other Half Lives

This year, because Labor Day is late, we had 3 1/2 weeks between the end of camp and the beginning of the school year. Hubby, an electrician who doesn't get paid if he doesn't work, can't take a lot of time for financial reasons. My original plan was to take the first week off, ask hubby to take the second week, and then to take the last week and a half myself. However...his current job is on a tight deadline (they're even working overtime). So we worked out what might seem like a kooky arrangement for that second week. He would go to the job in the morning, come home at noon, and I would go to the office and work my full shift (spending a lot more time with the folks on the night crew than I normally get to do...they are on site 'til 12).

We are at the end of that second week. Here are my observations about working 1 to 9PM.

-- having mornings off allowed me to schedule doctor's appointments (and the weekday scene is much less of a zoo than Saturday mornings are)

-- doing laundry in the morning is easier for me than at night because I'm a morning person

-- sleeping until 7 or 7:30 is a real luxury (no, even I don't wake up naturally all the time at 5AM)

-- retail shopping is easier on a weekday the morning if I have to bring the kids with me, compared to weeknights (when they should be eating dinner, showering, or getting ready for bed) and the weekend madhouse

-- I don't have "alone time" at home because I'm so tired at 10 when I get there that I have to go to sleep soon afterwards

-- I have to either eat lunch early, before I leave the house, or bring two meals to work with me plus snacks

All in all, there are a lot of pluses but I really find that I'm dragging if I have to actively be in "use the brain" mode so late at night. So I have a lot of respect and admiration for people who work the night shift...but I conclude that it would be difficult to do on a regular basis!

Teenage Boys

A couple of days ago, a close friend of ours met his foster son, a fifteen year old who endured a long journey from Germany to arrive on Long Island. Our friend has been single his whole life, and has wanted to become a parent for a long time. He thought about asking a female friend to serve as a surrogate mom, but ultimately decided to take the parenting classes for fostering.

A colleague of mine who grew up as a product of the foster care system had two pieces of advice for new foster parents: 1) listen, listen, listen to your child; 2) boys can be tough around the ages of 13 to 16, so be prepared. This colleague is the mother of four sons, the oldest of whom is 20, so she speaks from experience. Number one piece of advice is a great reminder for ANY parent, as far as I can tell.

The other reflection I have about my colleague's advice is an unhappy one. An old friend wrote to me to say that her 16 year old son took his own life a month ago. This old friend always seemed to be a warm, loving person who would be a great mom, so my heart really aches for her. I also am stricken by a sense of "what a waste of a young life" as I fully believe that it disturbs the order of things when a child predeceases a parent. Yes there are various reasons, such as auto accidents and serious illnesses. Not knowing this 16 year old, I don't know whether his suicide was an attempt to be heard or understood.

You can bet that I've been reminded to cherish my own children. I've also just flipped to the teenage chapter with Son #1...aauugghh!

Summer Camp Ends

On Tuesday the kids had their "art and music" day of show and tell at their day camp. Here are pix of Son #1 and his art folder, Son #2 playing the guitar, and Son #3 playing the lap harp. The highlight of the musical entertainment was a ten year old moonwalking to Michael Jackson tunes. He was really good!

One of my kids turned a pet rock into a fish by gluing feathers to the sides, and painting it all orange. One scrawled "Luke I am your father" on his art folder. The other wrote disparaging remarks about one of his brothers across the front of his art folder. Sigh, if anyone gives these guys a Rorschach test, I'm screwed.

Three more weeks until school starts! Mom and Dad will be attempting to keep the Three Amigos occupied, without going insane. Rorschach tests all around, LOL!

Namaste

I've been saying for a while that I'd like to try Yoga. Well, the fall continuing education brochure listed a Tuesday night class at our high school, and I've signed up. $45 for nine sessions seems like a good deal for 90 minute classes. Because of parent-teacher conferences and holidays, we begin at the end of September but don't finish until mid December. So shall we see how broadened my horizons become!

All Good Gifts

This week I've been listening to (yet another) book on CD, former Prez Bill Clinton's "Giving." Yes I know I am in no need of enthusiasm or uplifting spirit on a regular basis, but he describes an incredible variety of philanthropic activities around the globe, many of which were unknown to me.

Since my boys never wanted to join a scout troop, I am always keen in the back of my mind to have them take on volunteer activities sometime. They do enjoy shopping with me for the Brookhaven food pantry, from our collections at the office, which I do about once a year, and they loved it when we went to an INN soup kitchen this past winter to donate money and a blanket I had crocheted. They seem to like watching me create all the afghans for Schneider Children's Hospital. They have participated in a few cancer walks with me, and they have done a few school sponsored activities (e.g. Hoops for Heart).

I heard about a site called volunteermatch.org in Mr. Clinton's book, and looked there last night. They have listings of events in local areas that need volunteers (once you supply your ZIP code). I'm going to follow up on an Easter Seals walk/run that will be held near our house in September, to see whether the kids and I can help there.

I haven't checked this out yet, but for people who want to donate funds to something innovative, kiva.org accepts $25 or more which you may earmark for a fledgling entrepreneur somewhere in the world. Sounds like this could really make a difference in a family's life, much more directly than making some other kinds of contributions.

Let's all be grateful for all we have to make our lives rich (the least of which would be materially based). It's a beautiful Long Island Friday.

Out Out Damned Spots

Whoo hoo, the dentist removed the six spots that had been welded onto my bottom teeth last June. That means we're getting into the home stretch of the Invisalign process. I just got the upper and lower retainers tonight. Have to wear 'em for the next three months to stabilize everything, and also to move the teeth a bit more towards ideal positioning (mostly the lower jaw). Then it's only at night from that point forward! Yay!

Grrr

This morning, in the car on the way to work, I began listening to "Emotional Freedom" by Dr. Judith Orloff. A story she told hit me like the oft-mentioned ton of bricks. Here's a paraphrase.

A Native American chief tells his tribe a tale of two dogs inside his head. One is courageous and pure of heart. The other is driven by hatred and vengeance. The dogs are fighting, and are determined to go until the death. A young brave, lacking the patience to wait for the conclusion, asks, "Who will win?"

The chief's reply: "The one I feed."

Good Buy?

I am upset for a friend of mine who's heartsick over a child custody issue. Young teen daughter has been promised material things, vacations, and special privileges IF she goes to live with the other parent full time. Daughter has been bonding increasingly over the past several weeks with the "generous" parent and has become increasingly disrespectful to my friend, and resentful over my friend's reluctance to see this change take place.

At bed time tonight, when I sometimes chat with my kids about their day, I asked my two older sons what they thought of this situation (hypothetically, no names). My thirteen year old said he would like all the "stuff" but wouldn't want to go live in a place where it was just the stuff. My eleven year old said that it was the wrong thing to do, but if the daughter went there for a while, when she got a driver's license she could put all the "stuff" in a car and drive back to the other parent's house.

Before they both went to sleep, I asked them whether they had enough people in their lives whom they could talk to about any problems they might be having, other than Mom or Dad. One named three buddies at school (all good people from good families, yay) and the other named his aunt, cousins, and grandparents. OK, as long as they feel that they have support. Sometimes kids have heavy loads (at least as they see it). In my friend's case, it really is heavy for everyone involved, including my friend's son who has his own issues about his sister's impending change in living arrangements.

That old adage about setting someone you love free seems appropriate, but there has to be a clear way to come back. I hope and pray that it will happen, either as my eleven year old described or in some other way that allows love to continue. I also hope that the act of blogging about this will help me get some sleep, and I hope that my friend is able to get some rest tonight.

Geek Milestone

I'm beaming with pride over this personal Twitter milestone. Today, for the first time, one of my tweets was retweeted. (It was a pointer to an article that explained how a Boston cabbie almost took the rap when parents left their sleeping five year old child in the back of his minivan taxi.) Only a geek like me would appreciate this. Still: sigh, swoon. :-)

Wax to the Side of the Head?

This is a sequel to yesterday's post. As the day progressed, hubby was feeling so much better after having all that wax removed from his ear canal that he called me at work and said that he would gladly take our seven year old to his friend's party at Fun Zone (so I wouldn't have to leave early to get there by 5:45). Further, because he was tired of remaining cooped up in the house, he would stay there instead of merely dropping off. OK, sounds great, thanks. After I hung up the phone I'm thinking, "Who was that and why was he speaking in my husband's voice? Wait a minute, do I really want to know?"

So I went home and, in a relatively quiet house, cooked a lovely dinner of sauteed fish and roasted sweet potatoes for myself and the two older boys (who had been squirreled away in the corner trying to beat Sly Cooper 2 on the PlayStation). When hubby and Son #3 arrived (around 8PM!) I was treated to a full report about who was at the party and what happened, and who said what, and what the latest family news was. Talk about role reversal! I was loving it. Normally I take the kid to a party and then come home with the 411, and after I speak for five or ten minutes straight, hubby gives me a quizzical look that makes me think he hadn't heard word one.

I was a good person and did not respond to his news bulletin with a flip "Oh, did you say something?" but commented constructively and said how pleased I was that he had a good time. I'm hoping that in the future we can trade off more with "party duty." It might even be beneficial to him as an electrician: he heard from a friend that there's likely a big side job in the offing. Yeah!!!

Wax On, Wax Off

Yesterday morning hubby and the two older boys went fishing with close friends of ours and their boys. The charter boat from Captree went out for fluke, but our family caught five sea bass instead (which we will eat tonight). Hubby was wiped out upon their return, which I attributed to the sun, lack of sleep, and rough conditions. This was more than merely that, though. After about an hour nap, he went in to shower, and then he went back to sleep. From 3:30PM until 6AM this morning. At that point he got up, said he still felt lousy, went over to the job site to give the keys to the crew, and came home to lie down again. Symptoms: fatigue, sweats and chills, ear pain, and stuffiness.

He was able to get in this morning to see our ENT (otorhinolaryngologist, if you like fancy words). It turns out that there was a lot of ear wax buried deep in the canal. Took two different methods (including suction) for the doctor to extract it all. There might be a bit of sinus activity that's causing the congestion, but the doc said that the wax could've caused the rest of the problems. Hubby asked whether overzealous cleaning could have pushed the wax into the canal -- doc said definitely.

I'm glad it's not the swine flu or anything, but I'm definitely going to be gentler now when using the cotton swabs. Yeesh. My friend L told me this morning that her daughter has an ear wax build up that causes trouble for her, and they go to their doctor every three months for cleaning. Funny, whenever I used to think of ear wax, it was because of Dumbledore's amusing comment towards the end of the first Harry Potter movie (about Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans). Nothing amusing about this, though...

Don't Cost Nuthin'

"It is a little embarrassing that, after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give to people is to be a little kinder to each other." Aldous Huxley

Pshaw, I wouldn't consider this to be an embarrassing conclusion at all. In fact, just yesterday I was commenting on an early draft of a book an old friend is writing on survival in the business world. One of the suggestions I added to the "organizational behavior" chapter was BE DECENT. Brings out the best in people, costs nothing, allows others to be more gracious to you, and so on.

OK, Pollyanna is now leaving the building. LOL.

Greatest Misnomers

Tonight, after dropping Son #1 off at his clarinet lesson, I took a bunch of books and media back to the library. I was feeling in the mood for some mellow music, so I browsed through the classical and vocal sections of the CD room and found a few things to tickle my fancy.

One of the discs I chose was a favorite vocalist, who released a so-called greatest hits compilation in 2007. I'd never heard it, but a quick look at the track list made me realize that a few new tracks had been recorded for the CD. Right there, it's not really a list of hits, unless they're making the wild assumption that all the new tracks will be among the most popular for this artist, historically. Even I'm not that optimistic, folks!

I began to listen to the disc in the car, while running my other errands for the evening. I then realized that two tracks, both duets, had been re-recorded with new performers. So the hit songs in this collection of greatest hits are not the versions that became hits. Will these new versions surpass the other versions in popularity? I doubt it, because we often associate the first version with our idea of what the song ought to sound like.

This distills down to seven or eight tracks from the original CD releases. Greatest hits indeed. If I'd bought this disc instead of borrowing it, I would definitely be crying "foul!" Something has definitely gone awry with marketing and advertising in this country. Sheesh. (P.S. Both of the new duets are so-so according to me, as are two of the new tracks.)

Poking Fun at Pessimism

This, which appears to be a paraphrase of a quote by Daniel Reardon, was on a piece of unsolicited management advertising I received in the mail at the office.

The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.

This definitely leaves me -- a card carrying optimist -- smiling!

Wednesday Morning Greeting

A short while after I arrive at work, I have to make my potty break (that 40 minute commute gets me every time!). While walking down the hall, I said good morning to one of the guys who works in the Facilities department. He smiled and said, "Welcome to Carnival Cruise Lines."

After I stopped laughing, I thought that it was probably one of the best greetings I'd ever received on a work day. Particularly on Hump Day. So I'm sharing. Join me on the Lido Deck in a few minutes for mimosas.

Weird Germs

I have to admit that I normally have few worries about getting sick. Our household is generally very healthy. Even after a friend of ours (whom we hadn't seen in some time) told us two weeks ago that one of her children had been diagnosed with Influenza A (or H1N1, or swine flu...however you identify it more commonly) I wasn't overly concerned. They'd done the right thing: one week of isolation.

Then, almost a week later, the mom came down with a stomach bug which lasted for at least three days (today would be the fourth). We didn't get the kids together over the weekend as we'd planned because we wanted to be sure that germs would not spread between the families. BUT...one of our boys came down with a bad headache on Sunday before dinner time, and then became stomach sick after getting out of his evening shower. He still had a headache yesterday morning, bad enough to keep him home from camp, but the tummy was better. I'd spiked a headache on Sunday night, but it had turned to a dull ache yesterday morning and then subsided. Hubby developed a headache yesterday afternoon, followed by nausea which increased through the evening. He's home from work today, as his combined symptoms are still creating a general feeling of malaise. The rest of us are AOK today, and two of the kids have yet to be affected. From where did "our" germ emanate?

Another wrinkle...when she heard what happened in our house, my friend said "uh oh" because their case of flu began as headache and nausea combined with fever. None of us had a fever though, as far as we can tell. It's disconcerting that these viruses (or whatever they are) are manifesting themselves in different ways as they go from person to person. Does it merely have to do with each individual's immune system? Are the viruses actually mutating as they travel? What's in store next? Ugh, I think I feel another headache coming on.

Anyway, my wishes for good health to you and yours!

Lifting Up

Earlier this week I did the monthly shopping trip for our office donation to a local food pantry, which is financed by a collection from employees. A bunch of people throw a dollar or a few dollars in the envelope, and we normally have about $120. So I went to COSTCO and got juice boxes, applesauce cups, peanut butter, jelly, canned tuna, and other kid friendly items since kids are home from school for the summer and not getting breakfast and lunch subsidies. The load was fetched at lunchtime today, and I got to have a minute of sunshine while transferring it from the back of the mini van (with help from my charming group of friends during a short break from our bridge game).

I also decided to post some uplifting quotes. Hope this brings more smiles to some of you, which should already have been starting on this sunny Long Island Friday afternoon.

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain

"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." Benjamin Franklin

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet." James Openheim

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Berke Breathed

Maintaining the Chill

My April 29 post told the tale (and showed the photos) of hubby and Son #2 applying a temporary fix to our old fridge/freezer unit. While that definitely did the trick for a while, the beast began showing signs of slowing down. So...after we wolfed down the fresh fish that Son #1 and hubby caught yesterday at Captree (all right so I did cook it first) we charged over to Sears to take advantage of the last day of the 4th of July weekend appliance sale. 15% off plus another 5% if you use your Sears card. Ding ding ding, we have a winnah!

Couldn't get a 25 cubic foot model -- too wide and too deep (oh fercryinoutloud, save yer wisecracks) but we were able to get a decent not-too-small Kenmore model with a water dispenser and filtering system for under $1000. They do Sunday installations, yippee. Hubby fooled me...I thought he'd want stainless but he preferred black. My choice of bright yellow to paint the kitchen and dining room (whenever I get the chance to do that) is sounding better all the time.

So now we see how creative my cooking gets later this week, as I attempt to use as much as I possibly can from our current stores of food in the fridge and freezer. The fewer things we have to put in coolers on Sunday, the better. Tonight it'll be two kinds of sausage, spaghetti squash, and corn.

A Whack to the Side of the Head

Once I heard a stand up comic quip: "I spilled detergent on my kitchen floor. Is the floor clean, or dirty?"

Yesterday afternoon, while celebrating Independence Day with a wonderful collection of friends and their families, there was a moment that reminded me of that joke. One of the girls was tossing ice cubes out of the tree house and one of the cubes hit my youngest son in the head. My first thought was to ask him whether he wanted to put ice on it. Then I cracked up.

It turns out that he really did want to put ice on it. After about ten minutes, he was cured. Maybe the hugs also had something to do with it.

Coney Island Capers

Yesterday afternoon the kids had their first visit to Coney Island during the summer season. We checked out the original Nathan's, including the billboard which lists the winners of the annual hot dog eating contest. The scrawny Japanese guy who'd won it six years in a row was bested by an American in '07 and '08. A digital clock showed a countdown of hours, minutes, and seconds to this year's contest (to be held this afternoon). Personally, the thought of it makes me queasy, but it seems that an awful lot of people find it exciting. Let's hope this never becomes an Olympic sport.

We trawled through the outdoor flea market, where Son #1 bought his first wallet. He was psyched to put his school ID card in the plastic window but looked dejected not to have any credit cards to put in the faux leather slots. Why do they want to grow up too soon? When we walked on the boardwalk, and asked the kids whether they wanted to go down the water, they all couldn't wait. (This, after they'd all said earlier that they hadn't been interested in going to the beach. Sigh.) They spent quite a while jumping around in the calf high waves. When we turned around the other way from the water, we realized there was a beautiful view of the ferris wheel, so I took a picture of my friend and her beau in front of it (they were our companions for the day). I also took a walk down the dock with the kids, and they had a good time talking to some of the fisherman and looking to see what they'd caught. One had pulled up two large spider crabs and put them on the pier to let them crawl around and get into mischief. As we were ready to meet back up with our friends, I got caught in a torrential downpour going from the ladies' room to fetch the kids from the men's room. Good thing the sun came back out and rescued me from being a drippy mess.

The afternoon was capped off by an amazingly short ride home. I guess a lot of other people also had the day off, or left early. When else could you leave Coney Island at 5PM on a Friday and be in Eastern Nassau by ten to six? All of us met up with hubby for some great neighborhood Italian food.

Today I'm making a veggie platter and some dips to bring to our best man's house for the annual 4th of July BBQ, pool party, and dog pile of kids. Weather is supposed to be pleasant all day, which is a thrill considering our recent string of bad luck with Long Island rain. Happy Independence Day!

Humility

While listening to a book on CD in the car this morning (Mark Sanborn's "The Encore Effect" which I'm thoroughly enjoying) I heard a quote I really liked. The author attributed it to a prominent pastor, but I also see online that it's sometimes attributed to C.S. Lewis and others as well. Check out this powerful yet succinct message.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.

The Schedule Remains the Same

My poor kids. Other children get to sleep late now that the school year has concluded. Mine still have to be up and about by 7:00 so I can bring them to "summer care" on my way to work. The summer care program is run by the district at the same school where the before and after care program is run during the school year. It's fab for working parents: opens at 7:30 and closes at 6:00. I frankly have no idea what other working parents do about day camps that have hours like 9 to 3. How do they keep their jobs during the summer? Sleepaway camps cost the earth (for one child it's more than we pay for our three children combined).

There are other nice aspects of this situation. The staff is mostly the same from the school year (which is mostly a good thing) but there are two male teachers who join the group for the summer. One, the owner's son, is a music teacher, and he has done some fabulous work with my older two boys. They've learned how to play the lap harp (oh c'mon it's really cute) and last summer Son #1 learned some drums, guitar, and keyboards. They have theme days and barbecues at the school, plus a sprinkler for when it gets too darned hot. They go on trips at least once a week, mostly to parks. A few really nice trips are taken to see ball games or museums or performances. At the end of the session they do a talent show. All included in the price, including breakfast and lunch and snacks. Too bad it's only seven weeks and not ten. Oh well, nothing's ALL good...