Teenage Boys

A couple of days ago, a close friend of ours met his foster son, a fifteen year old who endured a long journey from Germany to arrive on Long Island. Our friend has been single his whole life, and has wanted to become a parent for a long time. He thought about asking a female friend to serve as a surrogate mom, but ultimately decided to take the parenting classes for fostering.

A colleague of mine who grew up as a product of the foster care system had two pieces of advice for new foster parents: 1) listen, listen, listen to your child; 2) boys can be tough around the ages of 13 to 16, so be prepared. This colleague is the mother of four sons, the oldest of whom is 20, so she speaks from experience. Number one piece of advice is a great reminder for ANY parent, as far as I can tell.

The other reflection I have about my colleague's advice is an unhappy one. An old friend wrote to me to say that her 16 year old son took his own life a month ago. This old friend always seemed to be a warm, loving person who would be a great mom, so my heart really aches for her. I also am stricken by a sense of "what a waste of a young life" as I fully believe that it disturbs the order of things when a child predeceases a parent. Yes there are various reasons, such as auto accidents and serious illnesses. Not knowing this 16 year old, I don't know whether his suicide was an attempt to be heard or understood.

You can bet that I've been reminded to cherish my own children. I've also just flipped to the teenage chapter with Son #1...aauugghh!