Failure, Put into Context

It is incredibly painful to be socialized with fear of failure. It is paralyzing. No logic to it. Something that is ingrained in us since we are very young. We may have been so young that we even forget who or what put it there. Embarrassment, loss of face, inability to go out in public...however you put it into words it can be devastating to experience even minor incidences of what one perceives to be a failure. And it is not enough for us, it seems, to allow our own failures to have this effect upon us. Anyone closely associated, such as a spouse or a sibling, or a child that you've reared, heaven forbid, will reflect upon you if he or she is known to have suffered a failure.

Now how do we define failure? Some examples: loss of a job, breakup of a romantic relationship, dropping out of school, behavior that is publicly deemed immoral, bankruptcy, pregnancy out of wedlock, or maybe even entering into a biracial or bicultural or homosexual partnership. If we find ourselves in such a situation, sometimes it is our own feeling about it that triggers the failure mystique, and very often the "what will people think" factor carries much more impact. Sometimes "what will people think" is the only reason we feel we've failed. How cruel to be comfortable with one's lot in life, but to feel shunned because it is not acceptable to society at large.

What we seem not to have been given, when socialized, is a set of tools to DEAL with a "fail" situation. Hanging our heads in shame, or burying them in the sand, and listening to the reproach of others is what we expect to do. Looking in the mirror and shaking our heads at the pitiful image is not going to help. Saying "I don't care anymore" and letting every other aspect of life go down the tubes is a complete abdication. So then, what WILL help?

It's scary that I hear, way too often, "things just can't get any worse." Of course they can!!! Even if you're homeless, you're still alive. If you're not homeless, you could be. If you have anyone in your life who cares about you, you're ahead of others who don't. If you know where your next meal is coming from, congratulations. If you're not imprisoned or enslaved, take a long walk and celebrate your freedom. Failure of any kind may suggest that life has become desperate, but it needs to be put into context.

Let's see failure for what it really is: an opportunity to take stock and think about things. Should you leave a particular job, relationship, home, activity, circle of friends, etc.? How can you set the stage for improving your life? Just about everyone has room for improvement. It is fairly rare to be minding your own business and be gifted with a major improvement in your life; most of the time we have to do something to make these things happen. But one thing is certain: if we just sit around and don't take any particular action, misfortunes are much more likely to happen to us. Success usually just doesn't "happen to us" as misfortune does.

So many times I hear people place blame for their misfortune elsewhere. Who cares why you're in a bad situation? Will the finger pointing and complaining do anything to drag your butt out of the quicksand? Nope. There has to come a time when you decide that you're going to grab the oars, jump into the lifeboat, and rescue yourself. Doing nothing may mean that you're going down with the ship. This might seem brave when viewed from one angle, but the result is that you'd be the captain of your own demise. Since you own the result either way, why not do better for yourself?