Friday, June 1, 2012

Lunch Banditry

My office has 100+ employees.  Many of them are very highly educated, holding PhD degrees in science.  Some of the rest of us have degrees in technical disciplines.  I think you have to hold at least a high school diploma to work here at all.  But the sort of thing that's stuck in my craw today goes back to preschool or possibly kindergarten.

When did people begin to forget about "if it doesn't belong to you, don't touch" as a corollary to the Golden Rule or an application of the Ten Commandments or just plain common sense of getting along in the world?  We have people here from various parts of the United States and many countries around the globe.  Are there really pockets of civilization where children are being raised to think that it's okay to take food or drink out of a common refrigerator/freezer without having put said food or drink there in the first place?

I understand that some people believe in "finders keepers".  An unlabeled item might be interpreted as an invitation.  Occasionally somebody will bring in something and put a note on it saying "please take" or "help yourself" and then the invitation is obvious.  But it sounds as though most of the stolen items have been clearly labeled.  If you can drive your car to get to the office in the morning, you should be able to see well enough to read Mary's name on her lunch container or Cliff's initials on his jug of milk.  The Facilities department also requests that we write a date on each item so that, when the monthly cleaning takes place, they will be able to easily identify items that are no longer appropriate for consumption.

All you have to do is ask around to get the waterfall of war stories started. "Who's had their stuff taken from one of the refrigerators?" J found that someone had eaten part of her leftover Chinese food one day.  Not merely rude, but also gross. J had eaten half of the full portion the day before, and so the pilferer acquired J's germs and left some in return.  Sometimes the food is removed from the container, and sometimes the container is taken too.  If it's Tupperware, that's probably a $10 bill to replace it, in addition to the cost of the food and the added time and expense of running out to buy lunch unexpectedly.  I should mention that this is significant because our office is a good 10-15 minute drive from any store or restaurant, and we have no cafeteria on site.  Though we have vending machines, a Cup O'Noodles and a bag of chips is not viewed by many as a nutritious or satisfying meal. Some have medical conditions or food allergies and bring special concoctions from home.  They may not easily be able to go into the 7-11 or pizza joint to get a viable substitute lunch.

We also seem to have big problems with milk.  Several milk co-ops exist, but the participants swear that the milk disappears much more quickly than it should.  Who else is using it?  Some people stock those flavored creamers too, with the same results.  We kid about watching the fun which would ensue if we replaced the vanilla creamer with vanilla Ex-Lax.  But that would be a case of two wrongs.  I can't say I would think it completely outrageous, however, to see someone feel justified to commit a small act of revenge after enduring years of being victimized by petty theft.

Did I say "victimized" when discussing small thefts of food and drink?  Yes.  People feel violated.  Imagine being one of the people whose lunch disappears every so often, and always wondering whether it will happen again today.  Imagine walking around the office and wondering whether this person who smiles and seems friendly is one of the sneaky milk bandits.

I'm not a coffee or tea drinker, and like my diet soda at room temperature (okay so if you've ever read my blog before, you probably know I'm a weirdo already).  I guess it can be risky not to refrigerate milk, and you might be risking your health if you use the "non dairy creamer" in the can on the counter.  As for my lunch and my afternoon fruit, I keep those in an insulated cooler bag which travels to and from work with me daily.  I could keep an ice pack in there if I had a need for a small container of milk.    But should any of this really be necessary?  Why can't people just respect each other's stuff?

Maybe the bandits don't see it as an issue of respect, just a teeny bending of the rules which doesn't really matter in the grand scheme.  Maybe a bandit means to contribute towards the milk co-op but forgets.  Maybe a bandit is a poor planner and gets caught starving with no extra time to run out for sustenance.  Maybe a bandit has no grocery budget to speak of (okay, unlikely).  We might feel sorry for a few people under these circumstances but I would not consider that justification for their acts.  It's possible that there is occasionally intent to victimize someone in particular, but the people who seem to suffer theft often are among those who are generally well liked.  Do we have bandits who just don't give a damn about other people as a rule?  Are these the same people who leave disgusting things behind in the rest rooms?  (Whoops, I'd better remain focused on this rant before beginning another.)

Things may go from bad to worse, as we are enduring a period of construction which has forced the entire office to use one refrigerator for the time being.  Will the Ex-Lax plan be launched at last?  Will someone set a trap with the moldy bread they found at home?  Will people mix their own bodily fluids into their food in order to gain smug satisfaction should it be stolen?  Stay tuned.


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