Fisticuffs and Stupidity

Within a week, our family has had two new school disciplinary experiences: detention and in-school suspension. I guess that's pretty good for the length of our tenure as parents; our oldest is 15. The first event was due to the silliness of a gaggle of guys, without giving thought to how their private joke would be perceived when viewed publicly. The second event came about because of a loss of temper and composure after some verbal sparring at the lunch table. Getting into a fist fight at school is apparently a highly punishable offense these days, and we were advised that local law enforcement is often called in to consult. In the seventies it seemed like standard schoolyard justice for everyday minor conflict. Who knew?

The dean of discipline (yes, we have those nowadays too) only gave our son one day of in-school suspension for the fist fight because it's his first time. He said that most kids do not repeat this. However, they have a small group of habitual fighters who stay in trouble until they graduate high school -- if they graduate. As a card carrying pacifist, I can't imagine getting into ONE fist fight on purpose, no less making a career of it. What I want to know is: what is the tipping point for these kids? Do they throw in the towel and figure that they're not capable of any other way of solving their issues? Or do they enjoy the badass reputation, in spite of its drawbacks? Are there contributing factors of low self esteem and perceived lack of potential in life?

We have counseled our son to think hard next time about how "worth it" it is to pick up his hands to someone, and how "worth it" it may be to develop a personal strategy of forcing himself to calm down when he realizes someone has just lit his fuse. And we are hoping there are no repeats.